Packy Daggers

Things Jesus Would Never Say (But Absolutely Would) 🔥✝️

1. “Clear … yet unclear.”

2. “Faithful and True ” (but am I sarcastic or serious?).

3. “From now on, you’re Kayak Cocksucker #2. 🛶

4. “Peace I leave with you … or something like that. ”

5. “75 trillion in gold by sunrise — or else. ☢️

6. “Yes, Satan?” 👺

7. “How much is your bike?” 🚳

8. “Love is mostly horseshit.” 💩

9. “I’d literally rather die than stay here. ☠️

10. “I invented women, apparently. ♀️

11. “I could walk on water if I wasn’t so itchy. 🦟

12. “What if I’m Ashton Kutcher?” 🤔

13. “God made me dumb on purpose. 🤪

14. “Every bird is now a goose.” 🪿

15. “It makes no sense — yet perfect sense. 🌈

16. “You know you’re God when the truck hits you, but it’s the truck limping away. 🛻

17. “Not omnipotent … more like a discount David.” 🔯

18. “God, you know I don’t like bugs. 🦟

19. “I’m becoming upset. 😭

20. "I deserve to not always be thinking". 🤔

21. "Long pause ... wait for emphasis".⏸️