When You Set a Boundary with a Narcissist and This is What Happens

When You Set a Boundary with a Narcissist and This is What Happens #npd #narcissisme #narcissistandkarma

Boundaries are often presented as the universal cure-all, a neat psychological prescription handed out with the confidence of something simple, healthy, and easily achievable. In popular discourse, setting boundaries is framed almost as a moral badge—proof that you are emotionally mature, not codependent, not weak, not someone who allows themselves to be mistreated. Psychologists, however, are far more cautious with this advice, especially in the context of narcissistic or antagonistic relationships. What gets lost in the oversimplification is that boundaries are not merely behavioral acts; they are deeply embodied psychological processes shaped by attachment history, trauma, power dynamics, and safety. When boundaries are recommended without context, they can quietly shift blame onto the victim, implying that harm persists not because someone is abusive, but because the victim has failed to “do boundaries correctly.”

In clinical work with survivors of narcissistic relationships, the first uncomfortable truth emerges quickly: traditional boundary-setting often does not work the way people imagine it should. Narcissistic personalities, by definition, experience boundaries not as neutral limits but as threats to dominance, entitlement, and identity.


Let’s unpack why reaction is their oxygen. Narcissists — especially the covert type — live off other people’s emotional energy. They obsess over your responses: what sets you off, what makes you cave, and what makes you chase. It doesn’t matter whether the response is outrage, tears, or frantic attempts to reason with them — any strong reaction proves there’s a lever to pull. These people are not wired for authentic emotional reciprocity. They can read emotions (they’re often excellent at spotting cues), but they don’t truly feel them. That’s the cruel paradox: they are experts at mimicking care and at exploiting vulnerability, but they do not experience empathy the way most of us do. So when you react, they don’t see a hurt human; they see evidence of control. Your feelings become the scoreboard telling them, “I still have you.”
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There is a strategy that can help you gain the upper hand when interacting with narcissists. By putting your own happiness and success first, you can demonstrate to the narcissist that you no longer require their presence in your life. This can be a powerful motivator for a narcissist, who may become anxious about losing control over you. But you are strong and capable, and you deserve to thrive without a narcissist dragging you down.
Do not allow anyone to convince you that you are inadequate. You have the ability to create a life filled with happiness and prosperity, and you should settle for nothing less. And it is important to remember, when dealing with a narcissist, that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Abuse by a narcissist can leave you feeling drained and confused, but by separating yourself from the narcissist, you can regain your peace of mind and move on to a better future.

#narcissistandkarma
#narcissistabuse
#narcissistsurvivor
#npd
#psychopathy

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