Not Enough Anger? Lack of Assertiveness, Poor Boundaries, Fear of Conflict ...

In this video I talk about what can happen when someone does not have a healthy connection with their feelings of anger, resulting in excessive passivity, people-pleasing, poor boundaries, lack of assertiveness and fear of disagreement or conflict, and perhaps indirect or subdued expressions of anger (passive-aggressiveness and resentment).

Such issues can be conceptualized as problems 'sitting with' the anger (the body anticipates feeling overwhelmed). This can result from poor modelling when young (mistaking anger for aggression), invalidation of justified feelings of anger, or dire consequences (e.g., punishment, overwhelming a parent, fear that it would lead to abandonment, etc.).

Anger is an important part of confidence and self worth (it safeguards against shame) and can help one be assertive and set boundaries.

Problems in these areas might be addressed by first feeling 'the other side' of the emotional coin first (e.g., hurt, sadness, disappointment), then asking yourself: 'who caused the hurt?' or 'who disappointed?' I point out many of the places people frequently get 'stuck' in exploring feelings of anger and how to potentially overcome them.

#fearofconflict #passivepersonality #psychology #poorboundaries

Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. Brad Peters, MSc, Psychologist