The Upside of Anxiety: How to Turn Stress Into a Superpower

In this episode, the psychologist and bestselling author of The Upside of Your Dark Side and The Art of Insubordination walks us through how embracing discomfort, adversity, and negative emotions can supercharge resilience, creativity, and confidence.

Todd shares what it was like growing up as a white kid in a predominantly Black neighborhood, and how this shaped his understanding of fear, identity, and emotional coping. He breaks down the science behind psychological flexibility, the misunderstood benefits of narcissism, and why “self-love” might be overrated.


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Timestamps:
00:00 – Intro
01:06 – Growing up as a minority and the value of adversity
03:05 – Why “negative emotions” are essential for resilience
04:04 – The good side of narcissism
06:02 – How insecurity shapes the shell we build
07:50 – Body dysmorphia in men and boys
09:02 – Physical attractiveness bias and income
11:01 – Reinventing identity and social confidence
13:15 – The psychology behind self-improvement outcomes
14:30 – Self-love vs. self-growth: which comes first?
16:10 – The myth of loving yourself before taking action
16:30 – Michael Jordan and the power of negative motivation
18:17 – Learning to observe your thoughts
19:52 – Cognitive defusion: you are not your thoughts
21:10 – A tool for reframing self-defeating beliefs
22:33 – How mentors and friends help rewire self-appraisal
24:22 – Emotional roots of limiting beliefs
26:23 – Building psychological flexibility
27:03 – “I hate Jake” and how to create mental distance
29:02 – The role of wise counsel in personal growth
30:40 – Who belongs in your inner circle?
32:47 – Giving radical feedback and how to receive it
33:51 – How to speak truth without destroying trust
35:32 – Filtering for people with the right values and intellect
37:37 – Are we choosing friends that reflect who we want to be?
39:49 – Raising strong kids: independence vs. protection
42:04 – The hidden upside of twins (and chaos)
44:14 – Parenting with an older mindset and resources
46:10 – How becoming a parent expands your capacity for love
48:52 – Giving children agency and real-world skills
52:23 – Handling kids’ mistakes without losing trust
55:12 – The difference between safety and resilience
56:40 – Why discomfort is the antidote to anxiety
59:02 – How to create independent, emotionally strong adults
1:02:15 – The hidden role of discomfort in creativity
1:05:22 – The cognitive trap: why we think we are our thoughts
1:09:04 – Parenting, psychedelics, and the future of psychological freedom
1:14:35 – Final thoughts on living with purpose, curiosity, and courage