The Anxious Preoccupied - Dismissive Avoidant Dynamic

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Now let’s talk about a relationship dynamic that doesn’t get enough attention…
The Anxious Preoccupied + Dismissive Avoidant connection.

We hear so much about the Fearful Avoidant + Dismissive Avoidant duo — but this pairing is also wreaking havoc in hearts too.

The Anxious Preoccupied partner craves closeness, reassurance, and emotional intimacy. They lean in, desperately seeking connection, sometimes even abandoning their own needs just to keep the relationship alive.

The Dismissive Avoidant partner, on the other hand, leans away — valuing independence, struggling with vulnerability, and often shutting down when things get too emotionally charged.

Together? It’s a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal. So, once again the anxious / avoidant trap is prevalent. It just has less conflict than the the FA/DA dynamic. Which typically means there’s wayyyy more resentment because neither partner is speaking up out of fear.

The AP fears abandonment and therefore avoids conflict and the DA fears intimacy and vulnerability and therefore avoids conflict! 😬 YIKES!

The more the anxious partner seeks closeness, the more the dismissive avoidant retreats.
And the more the avoidant pulls back, the more anxious and insecure the other becomes.

It’s lonely.
It’s confusing.
And it can re-traumatize both people in very different ways.

But healing is possible — when awareness, accountability, and secure attachment work enter the picture.

If this hits home, I encourage you to explore one of my hybrid groups or on-demand courses while the Easter promo is live.

You don’t have to stay stuck in these painful patterns. Easter is a time for new life and resurrection. I’d be honored to be of service.
🫶 Dr. Sarah

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