The Door Answerer - Beijing Queer Chorus for Mother's Day and IDAHOBIT 2023 应门人-北京酷儿合唱团 母亲节&国际不再恐同日

The Door Answerer - Beijing Queer Chorus for #MothersDay and #IDAHOBIT 2023 应门人-北京酷儿合唱团 #母亲节 #国际不再恐同日

The Door Between You and Your Mother

From some perspective, mothers are our gods in the biological sense.

We are born and grow out of our mothers. Our mother's voice and heartbeat are the first "world" we know in the original stage of life. So when we are born into this world, which is a little scary because of the chaos, our mother becomes the most familiar and trusting person in our instincts. She is where we come from, and our roots.

Therefore, we instinctively want our mother to know who I am, to be proud of me, and to feel that if she decides to be with me, we will be fearless and invincible. On the other hand, if you are disconnected from your mother, you sometimes feel like you have lost a part of yourself.

In the queer community, however, many mothers and children do not truly understand each other because of the impact of stereotypes or the unbridgeable rift of experience between them. In some cases, both parents and children are unconsciously trapped in fear and helplessness, and both hurt parents and children do not know how to face each other, let alone provide support and confidence to each other. People then have the feeling of being cut off from their roots and bloodline, feeling like they are adrift and have nothing to fall back on. So, many queer children will decide to let this matter become a secret, to maintain their own "home".

And because of this, the mother who knows you so well can sense that you have some secrets that seem less happy.

She stood outside the door, worried about your recent situation, but could not bear to pry. You stand inside the door, worried that she would be sad if she learned the truth. Sometimes, the hesitation and separation between the two sides of the door is actually because of reluctance and love.

This year, we wanted to write a song for those brave parents and queer kids. Whenever we learn that they have decided to understand each other and stand firmly behind each other, supporting and accompanying each other, it seems that we can feel the power of the whole universe being illuminated. The chaos and intrusion of the outside world can no longer hurt them.

Of course, this requires each other to have great, great courage. So, if you are afraid to try to take this step for the time being, or are overwhelmed by the experience that didn't go so well, we hope you won't feel bad. We hope you know that there are moms and dads in the world who understand that this is not your fault and that you are not alone. If you ever want to open that door, or open it again, may you have the courage and the good fortune to be blessed with love. If it doesn't work out so well, that's okay. Anyway, Beijing Queer Chorus loves you.

你与母亲中间的那扇门

从某种角度来讲，母亲是我们生物学意义上的神明。

我们的生命从母亲的体内诞生、生长出来。母亲的声音与心跳，是我们在生命原初的洪荒阶段里，最先熟知的“世界”。所以当我们降生到这个因喧嚣而略显吓人的世界里，母亲成了我们本能中最熟悉最信任的人。她是我们的来处，与我们的根系。

所以，我们也本能地都希望妈妈知道我是谁，都希望她可以为我骄傲，都觉得，只要她决定与我同在，自己便无所畏惧、所向披靡。相反地，如果与母亲产生隔阂，有时便也会觉得丢失了一部分自己。

然而在酷儿群体里，常常因为固有成见的冲击，或是彼此间无法弥合的经验裂谷，很多母亲与孩子之间无法真正地理解彼此。甚至有些案例中，双方都不自觉地陷入恐惧与无助，双双受伤的亲子不知道应该如何面对彼此，更无法为对方提供支持与信心。人便有断了根与血脉的感觉，觉得自己漂泊无所依。所以许多酷儿孩子，会决定让这件事成为一个秘密，来维系自己的“家”。

而也因为如此，那个对你无比熟悉的母亲能感知到，你有了一些好像不那么开心的秘密。

她站在门外，为你的近况忧心，却又收回手不忍探听。你站在门里，担心她因为得知了实情而伤心。有时候，一扇门两边的犹豫与隔阂，其实是因为不舍，因为爱。

今年，我们想为那些勇敢的酷儿亲子们写一首歌。每当了解到他们彼此决定互相理解，并为彼此坚定地做后盾，互相支持、互相陪伴的时候，都似乎能感到整个宇宙被照亮的力量。外界的纷乱侵扰，再不能把他们划伤。

当然，这需要彼此都拥有很大很大的勇气。所以，如果你暂时还不敢尝试走出这一步，或者因为并不顺利的经验而不知所措，我们也希望你不要难过。希望你知道世上有爸爸妈妈可以理解这些，不是你的错，你也并非孤身一人。如果你有朝一日想要打开那扇门，或再打开那扇门，祝你有足够的勇气与被爱祝福的好运。如果不那么顺利，没有关系。无论如何，酷儿爱你。

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