Johnny Doesn't Know: Holiday Edition

In this holiday-themed edition of Johnny Doesn't Know on Klein. Ally. Show., the show explores the depths of Postmaster Johnny’s festive "wisdom". Things kick off with the world premiere of Johnny’s new holiday banger, "Tamales Tamales," a song destined to be a seasonal staple about neighborhood vendors and their competitive pricing.

Listeners call in to gamble on whether Johnny can answer basic holiday trivia, including the location of the North Pole, the identity of the "balls" found on mistletoe, and which government agency is responsible for tracking Santa. From confusing the Arctic with Antarctica to inventing new government acronyms involving reindeer, Johnny attempts to navigate the holiday season with his signature brand of logic.

Feel better about your own education level as we watch Postmaster Johnny attempt to pass a basic holiday vibe check. If you ever wondered if the North Pole was "Icelandic" or located in Antarctica, Johnny is here to confirm your darkest suspicions about the American school system.

In this episode of festive failure:

We learn that mistletoe doesn't have berries; it apparently grows shriveled cherries and craisins.

Johnny reveals the FBI tracks Santa via Dell computers—a "fact" backed by his Nino.

The discovery of NORAD, which Johnny is certain stands for "Northern Officers of Reindeer and Development".

A rare moment of mathematical brilliance where Johnny blindly stumbles into the correct number of reindeer after doubling them and subtracting the sick ones.

0:00 Johnny’s New Holiday Banger: "Tamales Tamales"
1:20 Johnny Doesn't Know: The Holiday Edition
2:19 The North Pole: Is it "Icelandic"?
3:47 Geography Fail: Searching Antarctica for Santa
4:40 Mistletoe Trivia: Cherries, Raisins, or Craisins?
6:22 Who Tracks Santa? The FBI and A Dell Computer
7:14 NORAD: Reindeer and Development?
8:33 Holiday Math
10:06 The Final Tamale Calculation

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