"Nigel Doesn't Care" - Marsh Family parody of "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi about Nigel Farage

It's been a busy fortnight in British politics, and we needed a break from American topics. So in between some live gigs this July, we stole a couple of days before school holidays to work up a parody of Bon Jovi's epic "Livin' on a Prayer" to cover some of it. The original was written by Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora and Desmond Child and was one of several rock thumpers on Slippery When Wet, the first tape album ever owned by Ben (1986). The story's about a working-class couple who struggle to cope with the cost of living in what Bon Jovi described as Reagan-era "trickle-down economics" - so it's a big leap to switch the subject to a multi-millionaire who went to a private school and was a commodities trader.

Our main target for this one is Nigel Farage, the populist who spearheaded Brexit in 2016 and whose latest incarnation of a party (Reform UK), are making inroads into UK politics by trying to ape US strategies - including in our own county of Kent, which is on the frontline of many issues of immigration that Farage is so adept at exploiting. He is bringing the language and tools of Trump (and, until lately, Musk) - including DEI, DOGE, and other bollocks dressed up as common sense or nostalgia that happens to bring attention and personal benefit. His latest attempt - to rush out into the English Channel last week to try to get some media limelight because of a diplomatic deal with France that might reduce crossings and undercut his main source of anger-farming - features in the middle of the song. You can find more details if you need or want them about some of the issues here:
Farage's track record in cashing in on anger: https://www.politico.eu/article/nigel...
An analysis of the impact of Brexit (with data on non-EU migration leaping and trade dropping): https://www.theguardian.com/business/...
Zia Yusuf's resignation and return: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c...
The bizarre British DOGE unit: https://www.ft.com/content/201924c2-9...


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LYRICS

Nigel’s like a Jack-in-the-Box
Not the funny kind:
His crank’s kinda stuck - it’s rough,
So rough
Demonising migrants all day
Jerking back and forth
We know what he’ll say:
It’s guff, such guff

He says “We’ve gotta problem with foreign hordes”
It doesn’t seem to matter it’s a problem he caused
He brought us Brexit - if that’s not bad enough
He’s still popping up!

Health, or social care
Whoa - Nigel doesn’t care!
NHS, or Foreign Affairs
Whoa - Nigel doesn’t care!

Nigel brought us Brexit. It sucks.
Now GDP’s thinned,
When we used to trade a lot more stuff, Ooh it’s tough
Zia dreamed of running away
When he tried to resign, Nigel whispered
“Find me some outrage to spray”

They’re gonna audit to 'stop the rot'
It doesn’t make a difference if there’s data or not!
They’re soft on Russia, but chat on potholes’s tough
Two spivs firing shots

DOGE - all chaffs no flair
Whoa: Nigel doesn’t care!
Dulwich man - he’s a millionaire
Whoa oh, Nigel doesnt care!
“Brown men over there …”

[Interlude – "Making Plans for Nigel"]

We’re only making fun of nigel
If you want scapegoats, how bout him?
He’s on a small boat in the channel
Hoping the tide might wash him in

[Back to final section of "Livin’ on a Prayer"]

Oh, he’s got momentum - the Tories are shot
They’ll shift further right when that’s all that they’ve got!

Whoa, see Starmer’s scared
Whoa oh, startin’ to despair
Wealth tax canned - but they’ll target welfare
Whoa oh, U-turns everywhere

Science, or climate scare
Whoa: Nigel doesnt care!
One man band - he struggles to share
Whoa, Nigel doesnt care!


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