I Was 31, Jobless, & I Ran Away from My First Surgery. (The Surgery That Broke Me)

A 31-year-old orthopedic surgeon… trained at MAMC, RML, and AIIMS… standing in a 10×10 OPD in Gurgaon… jobless, scared, and unsure of the future.
This is the story I never told publicly — the day I ran away from the operation theatre during my very first independent surgery. And also the story of how the same fracture, same case, same situation… became the moment that rebuilt my confidence months later.
In India, we don’t talk about fear in medicine.
We don’t talk about self-doubt.
We don’t talk about the hospitals where safety protocols don’t exist.
We don’t talk about what happens when a young doctor is thrown into a system unprepared.
But today, I am sharing it — not to dramatize my fear — but to help young doctors, interns, residents, and medical students understand the truth behind confidence, preparation, and the brutal learning curve we all face.
If you are an aspiring doctor, a young surgeon, or someone struggling with self-doubt — this story is for you.

00:00 – The Illusion of “Doctor Life” After MBBS
00:50 – Internship, PG, SRship: Salary, Struggle & Reality
01:21 – Delhi, Gurgaon… and the First Jobless Days
03:53 – The First Call: A Femur + Tibia Fracture Case
04:38 – Confidence vs Fear: The two Ankurs in the Car
06:10 – Reality Shock: No C-Arm, Wrong Setup, Unsafe OT
08:45 – Patient Unstable, BP 90… and No Team for Help
10:20 – The OT Horror: No Sterile Zones, Abortion Case Just Before
12:05 – The Breaking Point: “Sir, I Can’t Operate Here”
13:10 – The Escape: Running Away from the OT
14:20 – Guilt, Shame, Anger… and a Father’s Advice
15:00 – The Weakness That Became Strength
15:35 – SAME CASE, SAME FRACTURE… Done Successfully in Allahabad
16:07 – What This Story Means for Every Young Doctor

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