Open Letter to Destiny Church

Open Letter to Destiny Church

Kia ora men of Man Up, Tu Tangata,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you were traumatised as children. I see that you've grown up to be men who don't want to see children harmed the way you were harmed.
It's a noble desire. It makes sense.

I'm sorry that you've been misled. I'm sorry that you've been told that queer expression is child abuse. When you point fingers at trans people, it's a dodge. You're avoiding your own pain, and so you avoid your own healing. It's so much easier for you to push your pain onto others than to look inwards, towards yourself and within your own communities.

I'm sorry that you have such a deep need for community that you've let someone weaponise your pain. You're better than that. You're not a weapon, you're not a thing, you're not a tool. You're a grown ass man who was hurt as young person and you haven't learned how to move through that pain cleanly. That's ok. No one teaches us these things. It's something we have to learn as adults.

Whakarongo mai
Being traumatised does not excuse your behaviour.

When you burst into the library yelling at the staff, when you storm the building, you are pushing your pain onto other people. You're pushing your pain onto other people's children. When you do this, you are your father, your uncle, your grandfather, you're becoming the person who wounded you, you're pushing your trauma onto other people, the way someone did to you, and someone did to them before that, and so on, back for hundreds of years.

It's up to each of us to break that cycle.

And if you had shoved and punched your way through to the performer, shoved and punched your way through parents who were terrified of you, shoved and punched your way through a room full of kids, what was your plan then? I am sorry that violence in front of children was normal in your family of origin. Don't repeat that cycle. Don't let that be your legacy.

Healing hurts. Moving through your own pain sucks. It's so much easier to point the finger at someone else, to attack someone else, to push that pain outwards, than to move through it. Healing is scary. I get it. It's so much easier not to face it. But the longer you don't face it, the longer you continue to hurt people around you. Because there is no weapon in the world more powerful than a wound.

I hope you find the healing that you're looking for. Terrorising children and their parents and other community members is not the way. I know it was the way you were taught when you were young. I know that it's all you learned. It's up to you to break that cycle. To feel the pain from your past, cleanly and wholly, and to metabolise it in a healthy way that will not pass it on. I'm sorry for the pain within yourself and within your communities. It's not your fault. But healing is your responsibility.

Holding your pain is not the burden of trans people. We are not vessels to carry your hurt. Do not push your pain onto us, that's not mana. That's not integrity. Healing your pain is your responsibility. When you don't, the result is that you are the ones terrorising children.

The call is coming from inside the house.