Dinner with Myself

This song is a deeply personal project, inspired by a poem about sitting down to dinner with every past version of yourself. It tracks my journey from a three year old getting stitches to a seventeen year old winning a state championship, through the stress of building and selling businesses, and finally to the decision to let the empire go to be a present husband and father in San Diego.

It is a toast to the versions of us that we sometimes forget, the ones who were scared, the ones who were winning, and the ones who were just trying to fit in.

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The Story Behind the Song

I wanted to capture the friction between the different chapters of my life. The athlete at seventeen doesn't always understand the man at thirty-five who is grieving the loss of his mother. The "Titan" leader at thirty-two doesn't always see eye to eye with the father at thirty-seven who just wants to put the phone away and be with his kids.

This song is about the realization that every one of those versions is a friend who helped me get here. It is written in a relaxed, acoustic surf rock style, reminiscent of the San Diego afternoons where I finally found a bit of peace.

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Lyrics

*Verse 1*
I had dinner with myself thirty-seven times last night.
They all showed up, every year, in the soft porch light.
Three just sat there, feeling the stitches on his brow.
Six was quiet in the corner, he’s a long way from home now.
Seventeen was a champion, undefeated and loud.
While fourteen did the math, hidden in the crowd.
Twenty was the leader, the VP of the frat.
But twenty-two was distracted, wondering where that girl was at.
Yeah, twenty-two just sat there, he’d just met his wife.
The girl who’s gonna stay for the rest of this life.

*Chorus*
I’ve got thirty-seven versions of a man I used to be,
A room full of strangers who all look just like me.
They don’t always like the path, or the turns I had to take,
But they’re all here to toast to every choice I had to make.
Through the wins and the losses, and the scars upon the skin,
I’m the only one who knows where the hardest parts have been.

*Verse 2*
Twenty-seven was tan, playing kickball on the sand.
Twenty-eight was in a tux, with a gold wedding band.
He was looking at the others, saying, "Guys, she’s the one."
While thirty spent a year traveling under every sun.
Thirty-two was the Titan, counting money in the hall.
Thirty-five didn’t want to be there, he was missing mom most of all.
Thirty-one and thirty-four had Aliza and Arlo on their knees.
Telling thirty-seven, "Man, just find a little peace."
So thirty-seven took the exit, he let the empire go.
Because Alyson was waiting, and that's all he had to know.

*Bridge*
Then five looked at me and said he was proud of who I am.
And that’s when I really started to break down, man.
I stood up on my chair, raised a glass into the air.
I said Alyson, I’m grateful that you’re always sitting there.
The years that made me happy and the years that showed I’m human.
If I had the choice, I would love all of you again.

*Outro*
The athlete took a seat, and the math kid let it be.
Thirty-five dried his eyes, it’s just them and it’s just me.
We’re clearing off the table, we’re opening the door.
Because thirty-eight is walking in, and we don't need to fight no more.
No, we don't need to fight no more.
Just thirty-eight at the door.

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Song Credits

*Composition:* Created with Suno AI.
*Style:* Acoustic Surf Rock / Narrative Folk.
*Inspiration:* Based on a poem by Joshua Elias, personalized for the life of Andrew Erickson.