From Band 6.5 to 9.0: IELTS Writing Makeover

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👇 FREE IELTS ESSAY BUILDER COURSE 👇

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Watch as we transform Priyanka's IELTS Writing Task 2 essay from Band 6.5 to Band 8 or 9!

In this step-by-step lesson, you'll learn:

How to choose the right ideas that actually answer the question
Simple essay structures that IELTS examiners love
How to write clear introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions

Join our interactive lesson where we fix common mistakes that smart students make. Learn to keep your writing simple and focused, which is exactly what gets high scores!

IMPORTANT- The essay below is not her final Band 9.0 essay. You must watch the whole video to understand what the essay below is and how to use it to improve it to a 9.0.

👇 FULL ESSAY:

Some believe that the people and governments of several nations spend disproportionately on celebrating religious and cultural festivals. I disagree because for governments, such an expense is an investment which helps attract tourism and for individual citizens, it is quality time spent with their loved ones.

National celebrations, funded by governments, pay off through increased tourism revenue. A cultural experience through celebrations directly impacts the seasonality of tourism in a country. These tourists end up spending on hotels, restaurants, transportation and other related regional experiences. This expenditure can make up for large portions of a country’s GDP, often easily recovering their initial investment. A classic example would be the government of Dubai spending millions of Dirhams on a firework display on New Years Eve. These celebrations bring in millions of people from all over the world, who end up spending a lot of money on hotels, food, alcohol, shopping, and other experiences in Dubai. The event also garners immeasurable media attention from around the world, which ensures overall goodwill for future tourism.

For citizens, national celebrations are the perfect opportunity to reconnect with friends and family. Time spent with loved ones is priceless. National celebrations provide an opportunity for people to reconnect with the people they love, building community and creating memories. Peoples’ expense on such events usually indicates their willingness to buy time spent with family and hence is a completely reasonable expense. In Ireland, people save money the whole month of March for Saint Patrick’s Day celebrations. This involves, normally, spending a huge amount of money on alcohol, but many believe it is worth the cost considering they get to spend the whole day with friends and family.

In conclusion, I disagree that too much is spent on national holidays because it gives governments a huge return on investment and it is the best opportunity for people to reconnect with their friends and family.