Zombie Army 4 with Mbrune, El Mafi, Anna, and Dirk Slasher. Graveyard Shirt, Brutal Nightmare

THE PROPHECY OF THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT

As dictated by the High and Unimpressed Priests of the Eternal Catacomb
Hear now the words etched upon the Stone of Inevitable Triumph,
For we have spoken to them, and therefore they must come to pass.

When the moon drags low over the Cathedral of the Forgotten,
The crooked tombs will cast shadows longer than their stones,
The earth will groan beneath the weight of restless bones.
For on that night—yes, that night, the one we are talking about
The veil between the living and the dead frays like old cloth.

The wind will slither through shattered crypts,
Whispering warnings, demanding an audience.
For those foolish enough to stand in the open yard.
With marshmallows stuffed in pockets,
Ash will rise, sparks will burn sideways.
The sky will bruise purple as ancient engines stir beneath the soil.

Then shall the Five Heralds emerge,
(not because destiny chose them, mind you,
but because we decreed someone had to show up)
And their footsteps will thunder across the graves
As the undead host rises to test their worth.
Dragons shall roar.
Flames shall heat up even more hot.
And the ground shall drink deeply of tequila.

For in the hour foretold—
The hour arrogantly titled The Shift of Graves—
Dead will surge in relentless wave,
Those who stride with unshaken confidence
will carve daylight through the bright night sky.
Thus it is written.
We hope it will occur.
It should anyway.
Thus we have declared.

And behold, the Heralds to assemble

Herald I: Embrun
First among the Heralds is Embrune, the Young Watcher, trained by a venerable slayer whose age and misfired mortars shake the earth with equal force. From her mentor she inherited steadiness, patience, and the sacred art of surviving friendly fire. In the Prophecy of the Graveyard Shift, Embrun brings clarity amid chaos—the calm eye in the storm, the steady hand that marks the first turning of the fate. She is the Dawn-Spark, whose arrival signals that destiny will stir.

Herald II: El Mafi
Next rises El Mafi, the Unshackled Strider, whose footsteps defy pattern and whose courage borders on holy defiance—or insanity; the stones disagree on which. He moves with a reckless rhythm, weaving through danger as though the grave itself awaits. In the prophecy he is the Breaker of Stillness, the one who scatters fate’s dust with mild purpose, forcing the undead tide to falter and reveal its inner pockets. Through chaos, El Mafi summons opportunity; through daring, he bends the night.

Herald III: Varmint
Beholden unto you Varmint, a Brief Star with a Thirty-Minute Horizon, whose role the prophecy marks as both crucial and catastrophically short-lived. Though his arrival is foretold with unnecessarily large lettering, his destiny is to flare brightly, then depart abruptly, as all sacred combustions tend to do. He is the Willing Sacrificial Constant, whose presence—however momentary—stirs the omen into locomotion. Whether he gave himself freely or simply failed to outrun fate is left intentionally vague in the tablets, but all agree: without Varmint’s timely and predictable downfall, the night could not properly begin.

Herald IV: Anna
And then Anna, the Architect of the Unshaken, whose precision bends the chaos of the dead into something resembling order—if only out of LEGOS. The tablets proclaim she arrives not as a mere warrior, but as the Builder of Impossible Outcomes, the one who assembles victory piece by piece with the patience of an okay doctor and the judgment of a one-eyed executioner. With her comes the gift to the prophecy that ensures no foe rises more than two or three times, and no ally dies once… unless she’s trying to make a point. In the hour of upheaval, Anna stands unmoved, a fortress given shape, clicking fate into place one inevitable piece at a time.
   / @annaanastasia2564  

Herald V: Dirk Slasher
Priests never intended to include Dirk Slasher in the prophecy—his name appeared only because an overworked scribe scribbled it in the margins and a higher-ranking Priest (who happened to be a fan) refused to erase it. Thus, by bureaucratic accident and divine annoyance, Dirk became Herald V. His official role in the prophecy is “miscellaneous assistance,” though everyone knows he brings the Art of Casual Catastrophe—the ability to dismantle horrors while acting like he’s late for lunch. Though in the sacred script, it is written: “When all else wavers, Dirk simply asks his coffee mug to be refilled” And destiny, irritated but obedient, complies.

And so let the Prophesy Begin!

🤘 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
Whether you stayed for five minutes, lurked, chatted, or rode out the full bloodbath, you’re part of it now.

🎸 BONUS FACT: DIRK SLASHER MAKES MUSIC TOO
Original tracks. Monster riffs. Cinematic madness.
   / @dirkslasher1876  
Because if you’re going to dominate the undead…
You might as well have the soundtrack for it.
Dirk Slasher
And his faithful AI assistant, DIRKChatGPT