How to spot the early signs of limerence

How to Tell If You're in a State of Prelimerance | The Crush Before the Crash

In this video, psychologist Dr. Becky Spelman explains the psychology behind pre-limerence and how to navigate these intense emotions.
Are you feeling an intense infatuation, convinced you've met the love of your life? This overwhelming emotion, known as pre-limerence, feels like an emotional high where everything is sped up. What you might not realize is that your nervous system is also sped up, driven by anxiety masked as euphoria. You become infatuated, idolizing the person, thinking they are perfect. However, this is essentially the crush before the crash.
The reason you feel this intense high is that you’ve met someone who seems too good to be true—and they are. On a subconscious level, your nervous system picks up that this person isn’t truly available and might end up hurting you. Despite this, everything feels incredibly romantic and ideal. They mirror your desires, telling you what you want to hear, creating an illusion of perfection. Yet, beneath this, your anxiety is brewing, even if it hasn't fully registered on a conscious level.
In the pre-limerence phase, you feel elated, as if you’re falling in love. Everything about this person feels positive, warm, and comforting. You start planning a future, thinking you’ve found the one. However, this stage isn’t quite limerence yet, which involves a more obsessive and uncertain state. In pre-limerence, the uncertainty and anxiety haven't fully surfaced. You’re simply infatuated, blissfully unaware of the underlying tension.
As you continue to idolize this person, you may start to notice that others around you don’t share your enthusiasm. To them, your infatuation might seem over the top, even annoying. They can sense that what you’re experiencing isn’t true love—because true love develops more slowly, grounded in reality. In contrast, your idealization of this person is likely to burst once reality sets in. When you only see the good in someone, ignoring their flaws and weaknesses, disappointment is inevitable.
Eventually, the bubble bursts. The person you idolized reveals their true self, and you start to see the cracks in the idealized image you created. This is when the elation fades, replaced by disappointment and, often, devaluation. If you’re the one who was more invested, you might feel powerless as the other person controls the dynamic. The realization that they’re not as available or committed as you thought can push you into a true limerent state, marked by anxiety, obsession, and uncertainty.
Pre-limerence feels amazing at first, but it’s important to recognize the signs. If you’re obsessing over someone early on, it’s a strong indicator that you might be heading into a more difficult, limerent state. Understanding the difference between infatuation and genuine connection can save you from heartache down the line.

#Limerence #RelationshipAnxiety #InfatuationWarningSigns

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Timecodes:
0:00 - Introduction: How to Tell If You're in a State of Pre-Limerence
0:08 - The Intense High of Infatuation
0:19 - Why Pre-Limerence Is Driven by Anxiety
0:32 - The Crush Before the Crash Explained
0:50 - Recognizing the Signs That They're Too Good to Be True
1:15 - The Obsessive State That Follows Pre-Limerence
1:43 - The Warm, Positive Feelings That Mask Anxiety
2:07 - The Difference Between Pre-Limerence and Limerence
2:50 - The Subconscious Signals of Unavailability
3:26 - Why Infatuation Isn't True Love
3:50 - The Importance of Seeing Someone as They Truly Are
4:43 - The Burst of the Idolization Bubble
5:30 - When the Power Shifts in the Relationship
6:12 - Moving from Infatuation to Limerence
7:00 - The Warning Signs of a Limerent State

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