Why We Pick Partners Like Our Parents

Why We Pick Partners Like Our Parents: This video explores how *childhood trauma* and early *relationship patterns* influence our adult *relationships**, often leading us to recreate familiar dynamics. Understanding **attachment styles* through *attachment theory* can offer insight into these patterns. We often unconsciously engage in *mirroring* behaviors from our *adult attachment* figures. We link love with past trauma and then pick partners that are like our parents, perpetuating the trauma, leading some of us to ask, "Did I marry my trauma."

🚀 Summary: "Marrying Your Trauma" – Why Relationship Patterns Repeat

Did You Marry Your Trauma? Family Dysfunction Leaks Into Your Relationships - Shame & Love Are Now Fused Together.

Ever wondered why we end up in relationships that feel painfully familiar? In this video, we explore how we often unconsciously "marry" our trauma by repeating the emotional patterns and dynamics shaped by our caregivers—whether that was a parent, stepparent, or anyone who played a key role during childhood. Even when we promise ourselves not to repeat the dysfunction or hurt from our past, we find ourselves drawn to the same cycles over and over again.

✔️ Our brains are wired to seek out familiar patterns, even if they're painful, because that's what we learned as "normal" in our families.

✔️ Each family has its own "language of trauma"—like shame, guilt, loneliness, or emotional neglect—that gets internalized and becomes part of how we connect, love, and even feel a sense of belonging.

✔️ Even when we distance ourselves from our families, we often carry this internal language with us and unknowingly recreate it in adult relationships.

✔️ Recognizing that you "married your trauma" isn’t about blaming others—it's about taking ownership for your healing and understanding how you may be keeping these old patterns alive without realizing it.

✔️ The path to change starts with awareness, self-compassion, and the courage to challenge familiar but harmful dynamics.

I'm Alan Robarge, an Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator. I work with people who die inside when relationships end or who suffocate before the end. I help those hurt by love rebuild what heartbreak shattered and forge a stronger self.

More videos coming soon on how to work with the inconsolable child and develop skills for soothing yourself when activated.

🎯 *Ready to transform your relationship with yourself?*

*✔️ FREE Finding Yourself Workbook:* https://www.healingattachmenttrauma.c...

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*Alan Robarge, LPC*
I am a psychotherapist for people who feel like they die inside when relationships end. I specialize in the space between who you once were and who you're becoming.

Emotional Connections Matter!

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Why We Pick Partners Like Our Parents