My Husband Wants An Open Marriage | Paul Friedman

Does your husband wants an open marriage? Do you think you'll get benefit from it? Watch Paul explains why open marriage should not be practiced, and learn how what's the real meaning of marriage.

I'm not perfect so sometimes I'll have some emotional charge around a particular topic. This is one of them. I will do my best to just be as neutral and scientific as I can be but I have to admit if you feel something coming from me it's real. I'm very down on this idea. I'm very very down on this idea and for me, it opens up this whole thing about our society descending into decadence and I don't mean to sound like a preacher. This is the part that I don't like about myself because I could get carried away.

Because for me, marriage is the most positive, most amazingly beautiful thing that people can do when they know how to do it and this is where the biggest problem is that people don't know how to be married. And so, they come up with these screwy ideas and open marriage is not marriage. How is that marriage? Marriage is a bonding of two souls in order to experience unconditional love and ever-expanding joy. That's the purpose. You got married in order to be happier. Sure. Did you know happier every single day of your life? No one expects that in this world.

People consider that, not even a reasonable proposition but only because they don't understand
marriage. When you manage your marriage correctly -- it's happier every single day and you get married to learn how to love unconditionally. Did you even know that? "Oh, I married my soul mate. Yeah, I was in love. We really got along." But did you think, "I'm getting married so that I could expand my heart, feel more love every single day of our lives." Did you think that? Because if you did at the first sign of that not happening, you would have corrected your behavior. There's only two of you in this space of marriage that you created when you got married. There's only two of you.

How hard can it be to get together and correct things really hard if you don't know?

And this is the problem, we don't know. This open marriage idea comes from the fantasies of
men, primarily men like 99% who regard sex as not the same as making love. But they use making love as a euphemism for having sex instead of understanding that when you have sex it is making love if you understand it but nobody understands it. Because they don't go back to the
premises that I just shared with you of getting married to learn to love unconditionally. Obviously, if you get married to learn to love unconditionally that all of your actions should be imbued with this idea.

All of your actions should reflect the offering of love, not the receiving but the offering of love.
So what's happened is because your marriage has not had these, your husband and you have started to go your own way. And you can't say that you haven't because this detachment is not an individual detachment. Sure. We hear all the time, "Oh, I give my husband everything he wants on blah blah blah blah." But it isn't true at the end of the day, what's true is that the wife has started to lead her own life within the marriage and the man is disconnected, the husband is disconnected so he starts looking at other women. He's maybe flirting with other women. He's going on porn sites. He's checking out dating sites and now he's going -- you know what he's not saying this but his actions are saying this.

"I'm not being fulfilled in my marriage." Isn't this the bottom line that your husband is not fulfilled in your marriage? I know you want to condemn him for having this idea. You want to say, 'How dare you? I'm your wife." That's what you want to say, right? We get this all the time in the comment section, I have to delete a bunch of them. The women get so antagonized when I tell them, not all of them. The smart women go, "Whoa, he's right." But a lot of women who are ill-trained by society go, "How dare he? He should be condemned. You should be flogged. He committed himself to love me." Love me? You committed yourself to love him too. How have you been doing? "Oh, I love him." How do you show it? "Oh, I make dinner for him. I clean up. I come home, I do all these things." It's not enough.

Your physical activity maybe exactly the same but if it's not imbued with love then it's not exactly the same. We're human beings, we're spiritual beings. Our actions define our feelings, our true feelings and if our actions are devoid of love. If they're not imbued with love there's this subtlety that everyone will pick up in my own home early on in our marriage. When my wife prepared dinner for me I could feel it whether she did it with love. If it wasn't done with love, it literally gave me bad feelings after dinner -- distracted.

Watch the video for more.

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