The Shape of Us After Twenty Years

Twenty years ago, Kara and I got married.
Read the companion piece of Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/kevintu...

Today, I’m not interested in offering advice, lists, or platitudes.
This is a reflection—on marriage, compromise, conversation, conflict, and what actually survives when two people stay.

Over two decades together, I’ve learned that marriage isn’t sustained by romance alone. It’s shaped by communication. By expectations that change. By the long, sometimes uncomfortable conversations that don’t always end neatly—but somehow keep going.

In this video, I talk honestly about:
What marriage really teaches you over time
Why compromise isn’t optional (and never was)
The myth of the “perfect” relationship
How deep conversation can hold a marriage together
Why staying is often quieter—and harder—than leaving

If you’re someone who enjoys reflective essays, literary nonfiction, or novels that explore relationships, identity, and the interior life, this conversation may resonate with you.

I’m a novelist and essayist, and much of what I write—both fiction and nonfiction—comes from examining moments like this. This video is part of that ongoing exploration.

📖 Related reading:
A companion essay to this video is available on my Substack (link below).
If you enjoy thoughtful conversations about writing, marriage, creativity, and the human experience, consider subscribing.