Self-help After the Narcissist: Regaining Yourself

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1. Regain Agency:

Get rid of external locus of control and alloplastic defenses
Assume responsibility for your decisions, choices, actions, and contributions
Emphasize personal autonomy, agency, independence but renounce defiance, contumaciousness, acting out, manipulativeness (Machiavellianism) and recklessness

2. Regain Authenticity

Separate
Individuate
Silence hostile introject of abuser

3. Regain Mindfulness

Be present
Honor your body

4. Regain Personhood

Shun dependency
Undo the trauma bond
Be humble, patient, open-minded
Love your real, not your idealized self

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