What To Do When You Hear 'I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You'

Have you ever heard the devastating words, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"? This phrase can feel like an emotional earthquake, like something broke inside your chest, shattering the life you knew and leaving you stunned and confused. If you've heard it, you are not alone, you are not crazy, and this is NOT the end of your marriage.

In this video, Dr. Joe Beam of Marriage Helper, who has walked hundreds—actually thousands—of couples through this exact pain, offers profound insights and certainty that love can come back.

When your spouse says "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," they are not saying they hate you or have stopped caring. Instead, they are often expressing that the feeling of being in love—the intense emotional pull, the thrill, the spark, the butterflies, and infatuation—has faded or gone. Most people define love by these intense emotions, but these feelings were never meant to last forever. The version of love your spouse might be mourning was simply not sustainable.

What could be fueling this feeling of disconnection? Your spouse might be comparing your steady, imperfect love to a fantasy in their head. This fantasy can be fueled by:
• Stress, burnout, or trauma: Life pressures from career, parenting, or finances can overwhelm their emotional capacity, leading them to go emotionally cold.
• Emotional disconnection: They might have felt emotionally neglected or misunderstood for a long time, causing them to feel numb and mistake this absence of connection for an absence of love.
• Feeling lost themselves: Your spouse may feel they've lost themselves within the relationship, leading to resentment and pulling away not from you, but from the person they've become.
• Emotional entanglement with someone else: They might be comparing the fantasy of a new relationship with the realness and challenges of marriage.

The truth is, the spark they miss CAN be reignited. Not only can it be reignited, but it can be transformed into something stronger, deeper, and more lasting than they've ever imagined.

You may be in deep pain right now, feeling betrayed, unwanted, or replaced. You might even feel ashamed for wanting this marriage to work when others tell you to let go. But your desire to fight for your marriage is not weak or foolish; it is the most courageous thing you can do. And you don't have to do it alone.
At Marriage Helper, we've spent over 31 years helping marriages in the worst possible shape—even when a spouse had moved out, filed for divorce, or fallen in love with someone else. Countless couples have found their way back, found healing, and fell in love again—not the shallow kind, but the lasting kind.

You don't have to convince your spouse to come back, beg, or chase. There are things you can do right now to begin changing the dance in your relationship. Our 3-day Marriage Helper Workshop is the most powerful, proven path we've ever created to bring marriages back from the edge, offering real tools, real transformation, and real hope.
You are not powerless. You're not alone. Your marriage is not too far gone. Don't spend another night searching the internet. We've walked this road with thousands and know how to help you.

This moment is your turning point. Please go right now to marriagehelper.com/call to schedule a FREE conversation with us about how we can help. It will take courage, commitment, and an investment of time, money, and energy. But what is your marriage worth to you? Imagine waking up one day, looking at your spouse, and saying, "We made it, and we're stronger than ever". That can happen because your story isn't over—it's just the beginning

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