Me And Mister Softee (ORIGINAL, performed by Melissa Musial)

from "EXCUSE ME!"
A production of NYSP Presents, from the UC Irvine's New York Satellite Program

Book and Lyrics by Kate Chadwick
Music by Josh Freilich
Performed by Melissa Musial

People cross in chaos until we see Melissa, a young nurse in scrubs and orthotic shoes, sitting on a park bench in Central Park, sipping a milkshake from a Mr. Softee cup. The others dissipate.

Melissa
FOURTEEN HOUR SHIFTS ARE ROUGH.
FOURTEEN HOUR SHIFTS? I SEE SOME STUFF!
IT’S HARD ON MY BACK, ON MY VARICOSE VEINS.
IT’S HARD WITH THE SPIT, WITH THE STITCHES AND SPRAINS.
AND MY ANKLES...
KILL.
She circles her ankles in pain, sighing in relief.

Ahhhhhh… Shit.
SO AFTER MY SHIFT, I COME HERE, AND I SIT…
AND I GET…
JUST FOR ME!
MR. SOFTEE.

THE CHOCOLATE’S NOT TOO DARK, YOU KNOW?
THE ICE CREAM TASTES LIKE SILK.
SOME DAYS, I ASK FOR COOKIE CHUNKS
LIKE OREOS AND MILK.
‘CAUSE AFTER ALL THE WEEPING AND THE BAND-AIDS AND THE SHOTS...
LIKE AFTER DUMB INSURANCE CALLS, AND BLOODY, OOZING SPOTS,
MY HEAD FEELS SO DAMN FUZZY, AND MY LEGS FEEL LIKE THEY’RE STONE.
I NEED SOME TIME ALONE!
SO I COME SIT...
ME…
AND MR. SOFTEE.

WHEN HALF THE SHAKE IS DOWN THE CHUTE,
MY NERVOUS SYSTEM’S CALM.
THEY COULD PRESCRIBE THIS, AND I’D HEAL.
A DAIRY, FATTY BALM.
‘CAUSE SOMETIMES FATHERS CAN’T BE SAVED, AND SOMETIMES MOTHERS CRY.
THERE’S TIMES WHEN THERE’S NO ANSWERS, RIGHT? AND NO ONE TELLS US WHY.
I WANT TO MAKE THEM FEEL OKAY! I WANT TO SEE THEM SMILE...
NO TEARS FOR JUST A WHILE!
BUT WHEN I CAN’T...
ME…
AND MR. SOFTEE.

MY MOM SAYS I SHOULD WORRY LESS;
IT’S JUST A JOB. I KNOW!
BUT MAYBE I’M NOT RIGHT FOR IT!
I WANT TO HELP! I WANT TO HELP!
I WANT TO RUN AWAY AND GO!

WHEN EVERY CHOCOLATE DROP IS GONE,
IT’S TIME TO CATCH MY TRAIN.
I FEEL A LITTLE QUEASY, YES.
BUT I DON’T FEEL SO DRAINED.
THERE WAS THAT KID WHO KISSED MY CHEEK, THAT MAN WHO SHOOK MY HAND.
I FOUND THAT ONE INFECTION; ‘CAUSE OF ME THAT GIRL CAN STAND!
A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP, A FULL DAY OFF, I’LL WANT TO GO RIGHT BACK.
I’LL PICK UP ANY SLACK.
I WILL BE STRONG!
I CAN BE STRONG!
AND IF I’M WRONG?
Well...
IT’LL BE ME…
AND MR. SOFTEE.

She stands up and throws her empty cup in a trash can. She takes a deep breath.

MR. SOFTEE!

She leaves, headed for the train.