9 Problems in Atheist / Religious Relationships

9 Problems in Atheist / Religious Relationships

Hemant Mehta (http://www.friendlyatheist.com,   / hemant  )

"In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families" by Dale McGowan
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0814...
ISBN-10: 0814433723
ISBN-13: 978-0814433720

Let's talk about 9 things that Dale says makes those relationships difficult. If you're having these problems, and you don't find a way to mitigate them, your relationship may be in trouble:

1) You had the same worldviews when you got married... and then one of you changed. You get married thinking you know the other person. you know what you're getting into. If religion means a lot to you and you marry someone from your church... and then that person loses his or her faith, that could be a huge problem in the relationship. My wife isn't religious, but if she told me she was now going to church every weekend, I'd be a little weirded out. I want to say it's fine, but you don't expect major changes like that after marriage.

2) Both partners intensely believe different things. If one of you is a hardcore atheist and the other doesn't really care, maybe believe in God, but pretty much shrugs it off... it's probably okay. But if you're married to, say, and evangelical Christian who thinks you're going to hell... good luck with that.

3) Both partners are very dogmatic in their thinking. That's not the same as intensity. This is all about how willing you are to hear your partner out. How willing you are to admit you might be wrong. If you're not the kind of person who'll budge on your beliefs, things may not end well. Again, one dogmatic person in the relationship? That might be okay. Two oppositely dogmatic people? Not so much.

4) One or both of you have a strong desire to convert the other one

You know how you probably won't ever change your partner's bad habits? Well, you probably won't change their concern for your eternal soul either. Or get them to stop thinking there's such a thing as an eternal soul if they believe that. If you're both constantly trying to change the other -- or "fix" the other -- you're just adding stress and tension to your relationship.

5) The non-religious partner is an anti-theist. If the non-religious one of you hold contempt for religion -- doesn't just think it's not true, but thinks people who are religious are brainwashed or that religion needs to be eradicated -- it's not going to work out well if you're with someone who's even mildly religious.

6) The religious partner is very conservative or attends a fundamentalist church.

Same thing in the other direction .

If you're a Jehovah's Witness or evangelical or Mormon or someone who kind of requires others to be just like you, the conflict will be strong. It's hard to have mutual respect when you think your partner is stupid or literally damned.

7) The marriage already has other high-risk factors

If you have different beliefs and other factors that often lead to divorce... it's not a good mix. Those factors include: a significant age difference, getting married very young, a history of divorce in the family... then the religious difference will probably exacerbate the problem.

8) You experience serious disapproval from extended family members or the community.

Maybe your partner can deal with your beliefs... but if you're afraid to deal with her parents because they look down on you for your beliefs, that's not going to be good in the future (especially if and when you have children).

9) There's disagreement over religious identity and practices for the children.

Will the kids choose a religious identity for themselves? Will they attend church? Will they be baptized or confirmed or bar mitzvahed? Are you not willing to discuss those issues? If you don't have answers to those questions, ideally before the kids are born, you're in for some drawn out fights in the future.

...

So those are some of the biggest problems with religious/secular relationships. But don't forget to check out our other video about how to make those relationships work.

Again, all of these come from Dale McGowan's forthcoming book In Doubt and in Faith. It's great. Be sure to pre-order your copy below.

And if you have any other warning signs that might leads to mixed-belief relationships not working, leave them below!
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