John Box Set (Remastered) - Cowboy John

Cowboy John set sail on his maiden voyage today, 28 days at sea on his way to a distant undiscovered land. The voyage is upon the S.S. Lime, thirty years old, rusting at the seams but still afloat. float. It left Grimsby under a steel grey sky, its crew of seven seasoned men and one newcomer, a young deckhand named John Jr, heading deep into the cold, endless dark of open water. The first three days were uneventful. The work was hard, the wind unkind, and the sea stretched in every direction like an empty, hungry thing. John jr kept his head down, learning the ropes from the others. On the fourth night, something changed. The fog rolled in, not unusual, but this wasn’t the normal creeping mist of the sea. It was thick, like wet wool, swallowing the world beyond the deck. The lanterns barely cut through it, leaving the crew stranded in a dull, amber glow. And then came the sound. a sharp howl similar to that of a restless youth scraping a fork along an empty plate at the dinner table. The lobsters in the food pantry had gotten loose and were cutting the ship apart. John lost 58 men that night including his new found deck hand, the lobsters had claimed the lives of many including the ship and a small neighbouring region, John survived merely due to his hydrophobic skin he’d acquired while at war. Repelling water John waded along the sea top for 40 agonising seconds before the local lifeguard fished him out with a net. What does any of this have to do with adding 150g of flour, 12 eggs and a spoon full of sugar, mixing it into a fine paste and baking protein pancakes you may ask? You see I the storyteller tell a lie, one other person had survived the treacherous lobster attack. Johns egg laying hen juniper the 5th of course. Since losing everything to his name with the boat he had to eat nothing but eggs for 14 agonising minutes which inspired him to make johns protein pancakes, an industry so foul not even the neighbours could recover let alone the local ecosystems. Our story begins shortly after it started with John picking up the pieces of his past mistakes and making amends which depends upon his state of mind that very day, today John is excited which means he picked up a can from the street. The local council rewards John by exposing him to rough streets behind the tavern where he was college level educated. Now what does any of this have to do with the rising costs in the gluttony and consumption industry, it doesn’t, because John wouldn’t let it happen. John is a mean green neil breen fighting machine and beats the fuck out of the worldly Hollywood producers and directors to eliminate the competition, how else would ‘The John Movie: the movie John’s’ succeed in the box office. Unfortunately John was mistaken on which country he was in and actually disrupted the circadian rhythms of the nearing wildlife causing them to rip absolute shit into him and making shredded John jerky, sold for a fraction of the price of the competition due to its effective labour scheme. You probably know how the story ends at this point. John loses his business empires in a show down at high noon which he lost due to his shoelace being untied. Marking the end of the John empire he sits down and cracks open his last beer, turns out it was his secret retirement stash and lived the rest of his life peacefully in the woods. Lime aids