118. Why “I’m Failing as a Mom” Is the Biggest Lie We Tell Ourselves

Do you ever lie awake at night feeling like you're failing your children?

You’re not alone. Many parents—especially those practicing Gentle Parenting or raising a neurodivergent child—carry the weight of perfectionism and self-doubt. In fact, research shows a staggering 78% of mothers believe they aren’t doing enough for their kids.

But what if the idea of perfect parenting is actually getting in the way of connection?

This episode of the Weekly Podcast brings a truth that might just set you free: According to Circle of Security research, you only need to “get it right” about 30% of the time for your child to develop secure attachment.

That’s right—30% is an A+ in the world of Positive Parenting and Calm & Peaceful Parenting.

When I first discovered this as a mom myself, I wept with relief. After years of chasing parenting tips & tools, reading books, and trying to end the yelling, this one truth released so much pressure. Suddenly, I could lean into simple parenting strategies that actually created more joy in our family time—even during tantrums or power struggles with my toddler.

Even more powerful? Research by Donald Winnicott on the “good enough mother” shows our imperfections benefit our kids. Just like trees need wind to grow strong roots, our children need manageable challenges to develop what I call their “struggle muscles.” These tough moments—whether it’s a meltdown, resistance, or a burst of anxiety & emotions—are part of how they grow resilience.

That’s why gentle discipline isn’t about being perfect—it’s about staying connected through imperfection. As Dr. Jane Nelsen once told me: “The one thing parents need to do differently is stop trying to be perfect.”

If you’ve been craving real talk, science-backed insight, and encouragement in a short episode format, this one’s for you. Subscribe to the Weekly Podcast for more gentle parenting ideas, and join us next week as we unpack what many parents misunderstand about their child’s anger and rudeness.

Ready to take the next step toward parent-child connection and more peace in your home? Check the episode notes to schedule a one-on-one session with me or one of my trained parenting coaches.

You are already doing more than enough. Let's make parenting feel lighter—together.

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