Where to look for a normal man?

Where to look for a normal man? The answer of a psychologist Today I want to talk about a topic that worries, without exaggeration, every second woman: where to find "the one" man? I often come to consultations with this question, and I see the same mistake: women start looking outside, without understanding what is inside. You can come up with any reason to meet a man. You do not need to take care of him. Your main task is not to deceive yourself.Your inner "shoe size", or What is the scale of your personalityLet me ask you a simple question: what size foot do you have? Let's say it's a 37. When you go out to buy a new pair of shoes, do you try on a size 42? No, of course not. You know exactly what you need.This simple example tells us about a very important thing. A woman who is in touch with herself, with her true self, always has an internal scale of her personality. This is an invisible reference point, a system of coordinates, according to which she finds a man for herself. She knows her values, beliefs, and views on life, family, sex, finances, and everyday life. She has a clear understanding of what is and what is not acceptable in a relationship. And what happens when there is no contact with yourself? The search turns into an endless race after a ghost. I had a friend who was looking for an apartment in St. Petersburg with 48 requirements. He was looking for it for years.Will the list of requirements for a man lead to the same result? No, if these requirements are not a neurotic attempt to protect yourself from the world. For example, an avoidant personality type may unconsciously create a list that no man in human history has met. It's important to understand that if your list is unrealistic, you will never be happy. There is no man in the world who can fulfill all of a woman's needs.Before moving on to the active phase of dating, build an honest portrait of your future partner. If you meet someone who doesn't meet your expectations, don't try to change them. Even if they try to adapt during the infatuation stage, it's just an attempt to impress, not a reflection of their true self. Dating sites: a dopamine trap or a real opportunity?Let's be honest, dating sites are a great way to save time in today's world. However, there are several traps that women should be aware of.Trap #1: Geographical incompatibility. Women start dating men all over the world and get stuck in a year-and-a-half-long correspondence. She's already mentally married him, raised their children, and bought sneakers for her youngest son's gym class, but they haven't even met in person. The key rule is to meet men within a geographical distance. Take the train and arrive. Alternatively, take a train or a plane, and within a couple of hours, he'll be in your city.Trap #2: Eternal correspondence. Do not get stuck in correspondence for more than two or three weeks. The main goal is to bring the communication into reality. Otherwise, you will get on the "dopamine hook." A woman begins to add qualities to a man that he does not have, and to idealize him. However, he may just be an ordinary guy who only sends positive messages in the chat. Instead of coming home tired from work, he writes, "Hi, sweetheart, how was your day?" This creates the illusion that he is special, but when you meet him in person, this image often falls apart. It becomes less advantageous to go online.Trap #3: Gaming addiction. What else do women do? They communicate with several men at the same time. This is not a disorder, but a normal process of choice. However, there is a trap here as well. If a woman is deprived of attention in real life, but receives messages from five men every day on the internet, with some sending virtual flowers and others ordering rolls, it can lead to addiction. "Wow! I am a queen!" Once again, the only solution is to quickly transition to real-life interactions.Bars, clubs, work: look at the person, not the place"Mark, what about bars or nightclubs?" you might ask. I know a couple who met in a strip club. They now have two children and are a wonderful family. However, this is an exception that proves the rule. Most men visit these establishments for the least amount of effort. It's easier to charm a woman who is intoxicated. This is a dangerous area. Don't be afraid to meet people in such places, but be cautious and vigilant.Here's a reverse story. One of my clients met a guy at karaoke. He was courting her, but he was constantly on the road: celebrating the birthdays of his friends, their wives, and their children. She concluded, "He's a party animal, a drunkard, and a partygoer. I won't be involved with him without an explanation." I suggested she ask him directly, "I'm concerned about your constant involvement in parties. What is it about?" He replied, "I don't drink at all. It just so happens that all my loved ones have holidays this month." They are a family now.Imagine if she hadn't asked, but had just left, believing her own ...