Aliens Planned the Perfect Invasion—But Forgot to Read Earth's Class 15 Deathworld Warning | HFY

The Zlorthak Imperial Fleet has conquered 47 worlds with flawless precision. When they discover Earth—a peaceful blue planet inhabited by hairless primates—Commander Vex'thorian believes he's found the easiest conquest in galactic history. After all, what could possibly go wrong with creatures that have no natural armor, no venomous stings, and live on a planet that's 70% water? 🌍💧
But the Zlorthak are about to learn why Earth carries a Class 15 Deathworld classification, and why sometimes the most dangerous thing about a planet isn't its weapons—it's the fact that its inhabitants are completely, utterly, and perhaps dangerously UNREASONABLE. 🤯
From seagulls that can disable starships to grandmothers who discipline alien commanders with wooden spoons, from humans who eat poison for fun to a species that has turned survival into extreme sports, this is the story of what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object... and the immovable object offers you fish stew and coffee. ☕🍲
Featuring epic fails in space conquest, Brazilian hospitality that terrifies galactic invaders, and the shocking revelation that humans consider recreational near-death experiences to be "normal Tuesday activities." 🇧🇷⚡
Characters Featuring in This Story: 👥
Commander Vex'thorian - A four-armed Zlorthak military genius who possesses what he considers the most magnificent brain in seven star systems. His confidence in standard invasion protocols is matched only by his complete inability to understand why humans do literally anything they do.
Grandma Beatrice - A seventy-year-old force of nature who wields a wooden spoon with the authority of someone who has settled disputes for decades. She treats extraterrestrial visitors the same way she treats everyone else: with aggressive hospitality and concern about whether they've eaten enough.
Captain Santos - A cheerful fishing boat captain who navigates category-four hurricanes like others handle morning commutes. He's convinced the aliens are method actors making an incredibly expensive science fiction movie, and he's determined to help them succeed.
Vice-Admiral Klox'nina - Vex'thorian's second-in-command, whose dozen compound eyes allow her to simultaneously witness multiple aspects of human insanity. She's the voice of reason that everyone ignores until it's too late.
Technical Specialist Quibbleton - The only crew member who attempted to read Earth's complete file before suffering what his species calls "existential cascade failure." His truth-telling malfunction provides uncomfortable insights about humanity.
Little Lucia - A ten-year-old human who casually hunts venomous crabs for dinner and represents everything terrifying about a species that starts training its children for survival at an early age.