Too Scared to Think Clearly - Reality of Stage IV Colon Cancer Hit Hard in 2025

I'm not a medical professional. I am a Stage IV Cancer patient who recently found out that I'm no longer in remission and have made the decision to begin chemotherapy treatment again.

Hi, everyone -

Last week, it suddenly hit me that saying that I have Stage IV colon cancer was very easy while in remission. A few weeks ago, I found out that it has returned, and that I will be undergoing a new round of infusion-based chemotherapy treatment starting this week. For whatever reason, the reality and gravity of the situation finally hit me: HARD. I was a hot mess, unable to function in any useful way. My emotions were all over the place, I could not find my usual happy self or positive motivation, and I didn't want to let anyone in. It was too dark. The past week was the toughest - in fact it has been tougher than first receiving my cancer diagnosis in 2017.

After a few days of reflection, a few days of allowing myself to be angry, scared, and lonely (because no one close to me has done this, which makes it lonely) I began to emerge. I found the strength I call upon through accepting kindness, grace, humor, and most of all, help from others.

In two days, I'll begin the chemo. My intention is to take you along so you can see bits and pieces of the first day of the first treatment.

At that point, you will be on a journey that I have not been on before. All of your comments and kindness, your sharing this information with those you feel might need to hear the message, your prayers, and positive thoughts are so appreciated by me and my husband.

I'm still working on my Sunday gratitude format, so please don't give up. I'll be sharing your kind comments and sentiments in a Sunday segment soon. It will not be this week, due to time constraints.

For the next two days, my husband and I are focusing on the home, both physically and spiritually.

Thank you all. Thanks to my wonderful, patient, loving, and kind husband JJ, who makes me laugh in the face of adversity and crying with me when we need to and to my two faithful companions, Daisy Belle and Leo.

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