Ep 6 - Clip 5 - Chronic Parental Stress, Learned Helplessness & Holding Boundaries Differently

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Chronic stress doesn’t just affect neurodivergent teens—it reshapes parents, too. In this clip, Dr. Ed Callahan and Amy J. name the cycle: continuous traumatic stress for parents, learned helplessness for both parents and teens, and the tug-of-war between harsh consequences and giving up. You’ll hear practical shifts for holding boundaries differently (not louder, or giving up), reducing explosions, and rebuilding family confidence over time.

Clip 5 - Overview:

~Why many parents live with continuous/chronic traumatic stress (always “walking on eggshells”).

~How repeated blowups create learned helplessness in parents and teens (“nothing I do works”).

~The fawning trap for parents: snowplowing every obstacle to avoid catastrophe—and why it backfires.

~The boundary dilemma: harsh consequences = “atom bomb”; avoiding all limits = no learning.

~The middle path: neurodivergent-informed boundaries that prioritize regulation, collaboration, and skill-building.

~Reframing success: “a little less struggle” today compounds into trust and stability over time.

~Why education + tailored coaching (vs. generic tips) helps you apply the model to your child.

Key Quotes:

“More understanding = less power the chaos has over you.”

“Don’t drop boundaries—hold them differently.”

“You’re not a bad parent; you have a tough problem that needs a different playbook.”

Do Try This at Home:

~Fear check: Before enforcing a rule, ask: What am I afraid will happen—and could it work out this time?

~Plan the least-intensive effective step: Replace “phone blackout for a week” with a scaffolded limit (e.g., timed breaks, earned increments).

~After-action review: When a boundary goes sideways, jot 2 notes—what escalated it, what reduced heat. Adjust next time.

~Fawn audit: List three places you routinely snowplow. Choose one to replace with a calm, collaborative micro-boundary this week.

Email: [email protected]

YouTube: @EdCallahanPh.D

Free Training at: www.Neurodiversity-U.com

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