Sifu but I leave you slightly confused

SIFU TOTALLY HINGED PATCH NOTES v∞.wait_wut.exe
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🌑 HOTFIX: PARRY THE VOID (the void now parries back with slight breeze to your nipples)
Parry window expanded to include alternate timelines
47% chance your combo summons a live studio audience

🧓 AGING MECHANIC REVAMP: "GOLDFISH GRANDPA MODE"
Death now ages the enemy, making them irritable and disgruntled
New toggle: "Emotional Support Grandma" to stay at home and bake cookies

🍾 BOTTLE PHYSICS UPGRADE: "LUNAR TRAJECTORY DIVORCE"
Bottles now smell your mustache before launch
Fixed issue where bottles fall through table for no reason (now it's just because they're lazy)

👁️ NEW BOSS ALERT: YOUR LEFT EYEBROW
Appears during tutorials if you blink wrong
Defeat by interpretive dance (English only)

🌀 REALITY ENGINE TWEAKS
Gravity now "gets bored" and takes unscheduled naps
Wuxia physics now deliver medium rare steak to my doorstep
Outer space removed entirely (game takes place on the ground anyway)

🎩 MUSTACHE CANON EXPANSION
Mustache now invests in crypto
No lesbians: Just women I rejected

🐟 EXPERIMENTAL: DAVE_BEANIE.EXE INTEGRATION
Player model now 120% more Pancho
Final boss mildly inconvenienced, files HR complaint