Difficult Conversations

We often postpone difficult conversations. Whether it’s giving tough feedback to a colleague or having one of those recurring disputes with our spouse, many of us shy away from having them.

And yet, it is possible to go from feeling stressed and anxious, to engaging in a difficult conversation with confidence and optimism.

First, recognize that difficult conversations are hard because there is so much more happening under the surface than the behaviors we see at first sight. In order to go beneath the waterline of our iceberg, we need to explore emotions, values and needs of ourselves and that of the person with whom we are having a difficult conversation.

So, to start, what behaviors are you noticing? For yourself? For the other? What are the deeper emotions under-pinning these behaviors? What values are important for each party and which might be at stake in the difficult conversation? And, finally, what is the deeper need each person feels?

Having walked down the two icebergs, you usually become more understanding and empathic for yourself and others. You are now ready to define a “path-breaking move”: a simple action that can help to shift and change the dynamic. A path-breaking move typically is one that helps to reveal more of your iceberg or the iceberg of the other person.

So, armed with these simple tools, what difficult conversations are you waiting to have? What does the iceberg look like for you and for the other person? And, once you have explored those icebergs, what could be a first path-breaking move?

For this and other perspectives on leadership, please visit https://www.thnk.org

Animation by Sarah Nguyen
(https://www.thnk.org/community/people...)
Written, Directed and Narrated by Rod Ben Zeev
(https://www.thnk.org/community/people...)
Additional Content by Rajiv Ball
(https://www.thnk.org/community/people...)
Executive Produced by Mark Vernooij
(https://www.thnk.org/community/people...)