express yourself 'contest' || im missing out [personal]

Thank you to xladyxmacbethx for coming up with the 'contest' idea and I hope it wasn't too boring to learn a bit about me :) don't be shy to leave a comment... I know it's a somewhat personal video but I'd like to know what you
guys think x

READ THIS IS YOU WANT MORE BACKGROUND ON THE MEANING OF THIS VIDEO

Right well first off... I'm gay/bi/confused (I'm sure of the gay part...I just don't know if I still like boys or not) it's been a part of me all my life but I only realised what it was exactly when I was about 11 and finally started to come out to my family and friends shortly after I'd turned 16. The people I have told so far have been really supportive (apart from my gran but we just don't talk about it she hasn't disowned me or anything drastic like that) but nonetheless it's still been a huge worry in my life and still is (since I haven't came out to everyone and anyone just yet).
I have this idea in my head that I'll never be accepted, even with my sexuality aside I always feel like an outsider. I've always struggled with school (not academically but socially) and was put on social services for roughly three years of my life as a result of my struggles with school. I'm quiet and shy and in comparison to the rest of the teenagers today I tend to fade into the background, which in my opinion is even worse than people hating me because people don't tend to hate me, they just seem to ignore my existence altogether and yes it hurts, but I keep it all bottled in (most times) so this is actually progress if I'm telling all of YouTube lol.
Which brings me onto my anxiety. Which is the main cause of why I had bother going to school. I won't go into it too much but I used to panic over stupid wee things that may or may not happen that particular day at school and in the end the only thing that could calm me down was if I convinced myself not to go. Of course, in the long run it only really made me worse. Eventually, with a lot of help from social services and my gran (social services said I had to live with her until I got back on track) I went back a year at school (to catch up) and managed to settle in. I even decided to stay on for an extra optional year but of course my anxiety came back bigger than ever by Christmas and so I left school thinking it would help but I'm still struggling with the anxiety now (9 months later). BUT I am getting help for my anxiety. I'm on medication for it now and also meet up with a counsellor on a regular basis to help me calm down in panicky situations.
Another part of my life that this video represents is my relationship with my mum. First of all you should know my mum is an alcoholic. She's not a drunk, she's just alcohol dependent but lately me and my close family and friends have been worried about my mum's mental state. Me and my sister believe she might have Korsakoff's Syndrome which basically means that due to her alcoholism she suffers from memory loss/confusion, loss of appetite, weakness/pain in her legs making it difficult to walk and a new sleeping pattern which consists of turning night into day and vice versa. If she is diagnosed with Korsakoff's, I will most likely have to take on the role as her full-time carer and as much as I love my mum, it's not exactly a job that a 17 year old wants to take on.
I've also chose to express the loss of my close friend Jack, who passed away on 27th May 2011. He was diagnosed with Leukaemia years before I met him in 2008 but when I met him he was in remission. Three years later he was submitted back into hospital and within three weeks nothing more could be done and we had to let him go. Three years I got to spend with this amazing, free spirited boy and he honestly made my life better. I maybe took it for granted at the time but Jack always knew the right thing to say to me when I felt down and he said it with the upmost honesty and a bashful grin. You don't know what you've got until you've lost it. That saying had never been more true from the day we were told the news of Jack's death.
All of the upsetting and depressive parts of my life aside, I do have a relatively normal and happy life. I have friends who care about me. Family who look out for me. And even friends from YouTube, Twitter and Tumblr who I would honestly rather know in real life rather than some of the insert appropriate swear word here people who I have had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting.
As you all know I love watching TV shows and practically live through them so I think it's a nice change to see them represent me in this video.
Anyway I don't want to bore you all with my life story but I thought it would be less confusing if you all knew my backstory (if any of you aren't bored to death by now lol)