Honey

Parody of Taylor Swift’s “Honey”

~Lyrics~


You can call me “honey” if you want
Just like all the grandmas at the store

Early bird deal, 5 p.m.
You can call me “honey” just again and again
Floral print blouse, perm high
They give it a different meaning
'Cause they mean it when they talk
“Honey, that boy looks like a snack,
But he’s trouble don’t call him back”
Who’s the finest in the land? “Oh it’s you!”
Then she pats my hand, advice in a can
honey

Then she grabbed my face
Squished a cheek and whispered, “Bless you, honey…”

When anyone called me “sweetheart,”
It was someone’s meemaw at the mart
And she told me, “Scoot dear, let me check out”
With a coupon binder in her cart
If anyone called me “honey,”
It was leaning on a rascal, aisle three
She was asking why my shorts were ripped, see?
And I laughed the whole way home

You can call me “honey” if you want
Every bingo hall’s neon font
They give it different meaning
'Cause they mean it when they talk
“Sweetie, sit down legs are too young”
“Eat a cookie first here’s another one”
Buy yarn in the color of your vibe
Then crochet my whole damn life, honey

Then she grabbed my face
Squished a cheek and whispered, “Bless you”

When anyone called me “sweetheart,”
It was someone’s meemaw at the mart
And she told me, “Scoot dear, let me check out”
With a coupon binder in her cart
If anyone called me “honey,”
It was leaning on a rascal, aisle three
She was asking why my shorts were ripped, see?
And I laughed the whole way home

When anyone called me late night
It was grandma playin’ games on FaceTime
Saying, “What are you wearin’?” wrong call
She meant to text her bowling squad
And when anyone called me “lovely”
It was Beatrice in aisle twenty
And she said it like she’d adopt me
Then she baked me rolls by morning, honey

When anyone called me “sweetheart,”
It was someone’s meemaw at the mart
And she told me, “Scoot dear, let me check out”
With a coupon binder in her cart
If anyone called me “honey,”
It was leaning on a rascal, aisle three
She was asking why my shorts were ripped, see?
And I laughed the whole way home

But you can call me “honey” if you want
Just be over seventy-five, please