Ridley Engineering Song Contest - Best Duet

This submission won the Best Duet award!
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The Consultant Cometh
Lyrics by Ray and Denise Ridley

‘Twas on the Monday morning

The consultant came to call

We have a specification we don’t understand at all

He drew up his schematics,

The parts were placed in bins

But he didn’t know how to solder so we got an assembler in.

Oh, it all makes work for the engineer to do.

‘Twas on the Tuesday morning

The assembler started work

“The design you have is awful – the last guy was a jerk”

Parts went on the circuit board

Wires went in the box

But when he pushed the button, he died from electric shocks

Oh, it all makes work for the engineer to do.



‘Twas on the Wednesday morning

That the Safety man came in

There wasn’t adequate clearance, when looking pin to pin

He tested and he heated

The Internet got killed

He said “That’s not my problem”, and he made sure we were billed.

Oh, it all makes work for the engineer to do.



‘Twas on the Thursday morning

The FCC found our address

Emissions and noise were terrible and had to be suppressed

She waved around antennas

She added copper foil

Then she shorted out the transformer to add to all the toil

Oh, it all makes work for the engineer to do.


‘Twas on the Friday morning

The Magnetics man was late

He must have been nearly 90, his eyesight wasn’t great

He twisted lots of wire

He added turns of litz

And when he was done with all of it, the circuit blew to bits!

Oh, it all makes work for the engineer to do.



On Saturday and Sunday, they do no work at all

So ‘Twas on the Monday morning the consultant came to call.