As Close As I Can Get - James Walker [Official Audio]

a song about sabotaging your own relationships, because you were never really taught how to love properly and you feel unworthy. an anthem for the stage 3 clingers (that's me). if you can relate, ily (a little too much).

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For the past ten years, the longest time James Walker has spent in any one place has been four months.
A decade spent seeking home, stability and self-understanding are all themes that persist throughout James’ introspective and evocative music.

Unafraid to shine a light on his own shortcomings and red flags, "As Close As I Can Get" is a reflection on codependence, limerence, and the sounds of an un-had summer.

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Quite like our old life
To waltz through my doorway
Re-meet all your sides
With smoke circling the ashtray

I stay up late at night
Thinking of what I'd say
If you said I'd crossed your mind
Why do I focus on the fake?

'cause "you're gone and I'm free"
That's what I tell them
When they ask me,
But I'm alone, so empty
Holding on to memories
Like they're everything
They're as close as I can get to us
As close as I can get

There was a warm light
That had slowly fled the scene
While we were laying spine to spine
Looking at the darkness outside the sheets

When we stared close enough
Honest for once
We were just fools
Falling in love
It was always gonna be
messy with me

But I'm gone
Do you feel free now?
Bet it's peaceful without me around
And are you dating?
Actually don't tell me
'cause I'm still holding on to memories
Like they're everything
They're as close as I can get to us
As close as I can get

Still not quite enough

Never truly thought I deserved happiness
Brought up to see myself a second best
A constant self-desertion
I'm always seeking something
Endlessly
Looking for the little missing part of me
So loving you became my whole identity
Now you're gone, all I will keep's this age old grief
While you're happier than I've ever seen you be

So I'll hold on, that's as close as I'll get

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Written, produced, mixed and mastered by James Walker.
All instrumentation by James Walker, with the exception of Bass Guitar, which was performed (incredibly) by Isaac Wriston.

Copyright: all rights reserved