𝙒𝙃𝙔 𝘿𝙊𝙉'𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙈𝙀 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆? {vent}

"𝘪 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬."
"𝘪 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘸."
"𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵, 𝘴𝘰 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰."
"𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦."
"𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦."
"𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴."
"𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧."




2nd staple. i've never cried as viscerally as i did on that drive home alone. so tired i literally couldn't fucking see straight from exhaustion and the constant crying. i've never gutturally screamed out of pain like i did then. i've never wanted to wail so hard my lungs collapse until now. i've wanted to pry the memories out of my brain so it would be quicker to forget you. we were fine. this was fine. but you knew it wasn't and so it had to end. i never wanted to lose you. now you're going on a path you told me i cannot follow and i have to forcibly go about mine without you. nothing hurt more than that last goodbye and that last kiss. i'll always fucking love you.. even if you never loved me back. i wish i could've given you the spark i thought you felt.. thank you for two years, sean. for everything good and bad. i love you.




i will never be good enough in this community as an editor, an artist, a person. i'm tired of fighting the brigade. i'm tired of being the voice to others and the one to speak out. i'm tired of the back and forths and the childish ways that situations are handled by us as adults. i'm tired of pretending that this is all okay when it fucking isn't. everyone talks behind one another and at this point, trust is bullshit. i'm tired of editing. it doesn't fucking make me happy anymore because of the people. because of the stress of deadlines. the stress of being good enough like everyone else. that the content i could create wouldn't be good in the eyes of others. so fuck it.
i have too much shit on my fucking plate to be dealing with insignificant shit. where people can talk to one another and resolve it, myself included. but right now, i don't want to talk to anybody. i don't have the energy to be nice anymore. i don't have it in me to constantly bicker back and forth or try to be something i'm fucking not. because as far as i'm concerned. nobody gives a fuck unless we're dead or dying.