sister

a song i made around the end of last year about my relationship with my little sister

lyrics:
mmm...
this ain’t for the world.
this is for you, my little sister.
you don’t gotta listen… but you need to hear it.

you used to look up to me, follow me everywhere, like i was the only one who understood you.
you’d laugh at my jokes, steal my hoodies, sit close when you were scared, i swore i’d always protect you.
but somewhere along the way, something cracked in your soul,
and you started swinging at the only hands that tried to hold you.

i took care of you when nobody else had the patience,
let you crash in my room,
talked you down through your frustrations.
you were just a kid with hurt in her chest,
but that don’t excuse the things you did.
you scratched me, punched me, kicked me,
like love was something to bleed out of a sibling.

and i never hit you back, not once, you know that.
i just stood there, shaking, thinking maybe you’d regret it,
maybe you’d see the look in my eyes.
but you didn’t.
you thought it was fine, thought i’d just forgive it like i always do.
and i did,
until i finally realized forgiveness don’t fix people who enjoy the damage they do,

and that night in the car, i’ll never forget that.
you grabbed the steering wheel like you wanted to die, or worse, take us all with you.
mom screamed, bro froze, headlights flashing like warning signs from god,
and you laughed through it, like near-death was a joke,
like our lives were small enough to gamble with your rage.
you almost killed all of us, and still, i defended you.
told people, “she’s just hurting, she’s young, she needs help.”
but i see now… you never wanted help. you wanted control.
you wanted to see how much pain you could make me swallow before i broke.

blood don’t mean safe, it just means shared scars,
you can love someone to death and still end up behind bars.
i tried to save you, but you don’t wanna be saved,
and i can’t keep walking through fire just ‘cause we share the same name.

blood don’t mean safe, i had to learn that slow,
even family can cut you deeper than foes.
i’ll always love you, but i had to let go,
‘cause i can’t heal in a house still full of smoke.

you remember that last day we hung out?
i thought it was a step toward peace.
you were having a bad one, so i said, “come on, i’ll take you out, let’s just breathe.”
we sat at your favorite place, ate slow, talked for an hour — i thought maybe we found something real.
you laughed, cried a little, i gave you my best big-sister talk, something to help you heal.
i packed up your leftovers, told you i loved you, told you to stay strong,
told you not to let your pain turn you cruel ‘cause life already hard enough without adding more wrong.
and you said “thank you,” hugged me, said it meant a lot…

but the next day, you flipped it. twisted my words into poison and threw ’em around like shots.
you lied on me, tried to paint me as cold,
told people i said things that never left my mouth, like drama was the only warmth you know.
and i realized right then: your misery is your meal.
you feed off pain, ‘cause peace don’t make you feel real.

so i stopped chasing you, stopped trying to fix you,
stopped begging a storm to turn into sunlight.
you call it betrayal, i call it survival.
because if love hurts this bad,
then i’m loving you wrong.

blood don’t mean safe, it just means shared scars,
you can love someone to death and still end up behind bars.
i tried to save you, but you don’t wanna be saved,
and i can’t keep walking through fire just ‘cause we share the same name.

blood don’t mean safe, i had to learn that slow,
even family can cut you deeper than foes.
i’ll always love you, but i had to let go,
‘cause i can’t heal in a house still full of smoke.

i still remember when you were small, quiet, full of wonder, before the world cracked you open and made you this thunder.
and maybe someday, when the noise in your head gets tired,
you’ll remember who you were before the fire.
but until then, i’ll keep my distance,
love you from far, pray you find forgiveness,
not for me, but for yourself.

‘cause the hate you throw around will eat what’s left...

you’ll always be my sister.
but i won’t let you hurt me again.
if you ever find peace… you’ll find me too.
until then, stay gone.