Debunking the Electric Universe

I know that I've become known for my flat earth destructions, but now that I've driven that one so far into the ground that it's coming out the other side of the spherical earth, it's time to tackle some other topics. There exists an obscure fad called the electric universe, which tends to attract exemplars of the Dunning-Kruger effect who think they understand physics better than Einstein. Literally. Although not quite as ridiculous as the flat earth, it's still pretty ridiculous, so let's go through the finer points of precisely why that is the case, shall we?

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