Temper and Tranquility - Haunted

i am dying and it can't be stopped. symptoms are getting worse.

When the past floods my head like a thief in the night,
I forget how to speak, how to move, how to fight.
It arrives with no warning, no knock at the door
Just a pulse in my chest that I’ve felt all before.

I collapse in a moment, though nothing was said,
Like a gunshot remembered that lives in my head.
And I hate that it shows, that I twitch, that I cry
Like I’m weak for surviving and trying not to die.

I shouldn’t be shaking, I shouldn’t be loud
I should smile like the rest, I should blend with the crowd.
I should hold it together, not fall into flame
But the fault always feels like it carries my name.
I shouldn’t be broken, I shouldn’t be wrong
But the flashbacks don’t care if I’m weak or I’m strong.

When I shake in the silence, I cover my face,
Like my pain is a shame I can never erase.
And I see them just watching, unsure what to do
So I feel like a burden for simply being true.

There’s no blood on the floor, but I scream just the same,
And I hate how they flinch when I whisper my name.
So I swallow it down till it claws at my skin,
Till I’m burning with guilt for the chaos within.

I shouldn’t be shaking, I shouldn’t need care
I should vanish in fog, I should not even dare.
I should sit on my hands till the demons subside,
Be a statue of silence and swallow my pride.
I shouldn’t be crying, I shouldn’t still ache
But the shame feels like drowning in every mistake.

I didn’t ask for this fire to live in my veins.
I didn’t want flashbacks or bone-deep remains.
But they come like the tide, and I buckle and bleed
Then I blame myself more for the way that I need.

I shouldn’t be shaking, but here comes the wave,
And I curse every twitch like I climbed from a grave.
I shouldn't be hurting, I shouldn't be seen
But I can’t fake a world where I’ve always been clean.
I shouldn’t be haunted, I shouldn’t be raw
But this scar is my heartbeat, this is my silence.