Emotionally Drunk...A Total Relapse

This one particular breakup...I found myself emotionally drunk. An emotional relapse. I could of relapsed and drank. It was a close enough reality. I was so impaired that I almost got into a car accident. I think I would of lost one of my son's. His head was positioned perfectly for impact in the car window. Something stopped me. It wasn't me...because I turned left. Foot on the gas. There was a gentle force on my chest. Like an invisible hand. We were supposed to die. I got so scared when I came to realized what was suppose to happen. The vehicle racing the light made my car shake and my hair blow. Thankful I was stopped. I realized how unaware I was. I was not in the moment. I was emotionally impaired and should not of been driving. This was a vivid time for me. I didn't know you could be emotionally impaired. I was a few years into sobriety and working a hard recovery as. My partner and I broke up again. But this time for good. He moved cities and we vowed we were done. No kids no go! I put my foot down. I can't waste any more of my fertile years. Seriously. It's something to think about in your mid 30's and on. I wanted my family. I always had and I was clear about that one. I needed a plan, something tangible...an answer. I got it. No kids...no relationship. So he left. I was crushed! One of my dreams was over for this AA girl. In a panic I called my family and said I'm not okay! I'm not safe. I'm not coping. I'm overwhelmed and this break up has consumed me. I treated the next while like I would a drinking relapse to get myself back on track. I didn't want to drink. I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I wanted my life. I dove into more recovery and healing. I surrounded myself with pink. Bought a pink fluffy sweater and put pink roses all over my apartment. I did more than that but to name a few. Thank God I had recovery under my belt. I had people to come in and help me. I asked for help and I also did things to help myself. I still have my recovery today. I have not had an emotional relapse or been that emotionally drunk in that comparison since but it sure was a wake up call. It startled me into getting myself safely back into the present moment. Thanks to A.A. My sponsor, 12 step, meetings, etc. I can get through these tough things with support. With action. Action always leads to peace. I learned that in the rooms. ‪@AllThatJaz-n9c‬