🍸25 BONDS in under 007 MINUTES!🍸 by Bounder & Cad

Performed by Bounder & Cad (Adam Drew and Guy Hayward)
Lyrics by Adam Drew
Audio by Guy Hayward
🍸
[to the JAMES BOND THEME]
Meet double-oh seven, on a mission to Jamaica-
(Likes to order a martini- but no spoon!! Only the shaker…)
‘Cause some Doctor with no hands is set on buggering up NASA
So Bond KILLS HIM!! Pretty smooth...

[FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE]
He’s offered a code machine, a ‘Lektor’
(As part of an evil scheme by SPECTRE!)
Has sex on a train, and strangles that swine
Who ordered fish with red wine

[GOLDFINGER]
Then Mister Goldfinger! (And Odd Job!! With his razor hat)
Smuggles gold, and he wants to rob Fort Knox
With some hot fox… (called 'Pussy Galore'!)
Such an old minger (So creepy! And he’s crap at golf…)
Enter Bond, to banjax his plans for sure
And get pussy galore!

[THUNDERBALL]
Then SPECTRE nick a nuclear bomb (From a NATO jet! On the seabed!)
So Bond goes down with some aplomb… (Hangin’ out with sharks! SCUBA diving!)
Cue one lengthy underwater brawl (-half… an... hour…)
To kill the man with one eyeball!

[YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE]
Two spaceships get nicked- now, who did that?..
…That bald guy from SPECTRE, with the white cat!
Bond rumbles his lair, with ninja japes
Inside a volcano- but Blofeld escapes!

[ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE]
Then Lazenby! Australian Bond- on skis!
Blofeld’s babes are threatening to spread disease![?]
So Bond raids his base, he
Gets married to Tracy
-But SPECTRE connive, by
A gun-toting drive-by,-
She’s shot…

[DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER]
Sean returns, however, when two diamond-stealing gays are
Helping Blofeld build a laser
So Sean drops by their base,
Damn well blows up the place-
Still got it! Then-

[LIVE AND LET DIE]
ROGER MOORE!! CROCODILES!! VOODOO!!
(That’s about the measure of that one...) Then he-

[THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN]
Faces a flashy assassin
With a gizmo that channels the sun
Roger draws, and shoots from the hip
At the Man With The Extra Nip!

[THE SPY WHO LOVED ME]
Our next fanatic
Is subaquatic
With toothy henchman, Mr Jaws
Bond, in his speedos
Sends in torpedos
Sneaks off with that Russian chick- and scores!

[MOONRAKER]
Next madman, in outer space,
Wants to blitz the world and start a master-race
Bond rockets in, with a babe, to prevent this depravity
Blows up the joint- then gets laid, in low gravity…

[FOR YOUR EYES ONLY]
For Your Eyes Only!! (Almost forgot!)
There’s something with some submarines, meh-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm
For Your Eyes Only![?]! Someone gets… shot?!
There’s lots of lovely… swimming scenes
-And Margaret Thatcher flirts with a macaw

[ALL TIME HIGH from OCTOPUSSY]
Were the producers high?! (Is it still Roger Moore?)
-Wearing a gorilla suit!
Doing a Tarzan cry!? (Ooh- Octopussy doesn’t rhyme…)
Then dressed as a clown…

[A VIEW TO KILL]
And yet old Rodge still won’t retire!
He’s- 58?
On the Golden Gate
But Chris Walken’s on fire!
He’s proper nuts; and Grace Jones is pretty cool

[THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS]
Tim Dalton, bit more highbrow
More brooding, less raised eyebrow
Cold War tensions getting hot-
But please can you explain the- plot!?
(Erm…)
OH-OH-OH! The LIVING DAY-LIGHTS!
OH-OH-OH-OH!! The Living DAY-lights!!

[LICENCE TO KILL]
He’s got a licence to kill! (We know)
-But he’s rude to M, so it is revoked! (No more licence to kill!?)
‘Cause Felix Leiter’s been killed (Been killed?!!)
He’s goin’ rogue, to get that murderer smoked!
Then-

[GOLDENEYE]
Pierce Brosnan; bit less gritty.
Model looks; he’s suave and witty
Goldeneye! Is some satellite weapon (sounds familiar-)
Sean Bean nicks it, to- rob a bank (?!) With Mrs-
Killer-thighs! So Bond has to step in
And flatten St. Petersburg, driving a tank!

[TOMORROW NEVER DIES]
Then a media tycoon (Rupert Murdoch-type creep)
Wants Chinese broadcasting rights (mmm- Wendi Deng…)
Whips up a typhoon from old Sino-Brit fights
(To weirdly prophesise-
Fake news and media lies!)

[THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH]
The girl is hot enough (This sounds the same...)
But she’s a villain with an oily plot how sly!
She does garrotting stuff (to poor old Pierce…)
But Hagrid saves him, so he shoots her- what a guy!

[DIE ANOTHER DAY]
I guess I’ll die ano-
(Spoken: Shall we just- not do that one? Sorry Madge)

[CASINO ROYALE]
Reboot!
Daniel Craig comes and kicks the crap out the series
And smashes the theories that Bond can’t be blond, He’s got
Massive tits, tiny trunks, and he’s quite good at poker
Beats a terrorist broker;
Bond and Vesper then bond
-But she’s been turned! Bad stuff goes down…
He sees her drown…

[ANOTHER WAY TO DIE / QUANTUM OF SOLACE]
Avenging Vesper
He’s a mad desper-
-ado in Bolivia
A guy called Greene,
‘Eco-saviour’ on the scene,
Is something spivvier…
He’s buying land
For a coup that he has planned-
That’s lovely trivia!
‘Cause he’s part of ‘Quantum’-
Who the hell are they?!
Bond seems to want ‘em-
Why? He didn’t say...
Judi Dench is furious
She pulls a cunning ploy-
She cancels all his cards- but on he goes...

[Hit the word limit! But see here- https://tinyurl.com/y6yu95un]