The 20% Rule: A Partner's Perspective on Showing Up in Birth & Postpartum

In this episode, Jonny Long, photographer and founder of Flyview Productions, opens up about being a partner through pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and grief. From navigating two unexpected births in Canada to supporting his wife through a recent miscarriage and preparing for their third baby, Jonny shares raw, honest insights about partnership, communication, and what it actually takes to show up for someone you love.



MY 3 KEY TAKEAWAYS:

Schedule Check-Ins, Don't Fight at 2 a.m. The worst arguments happen postpartum when you're both sleep-deprived. Schedule 10-minute conversations on your calendar to talk about how you're feeling and what you need.



Use the 20% Rule—Stop Performing Partnership. Say "I'm at 20% today" instead of letting resentment build. If you're both running on fumes, ask for help from your community instead of drowning together.



Grief Looks Different for Each of You. Your experience of miscarriage or loss is different from your partner's. Give each other space to process without judgment.



PRACTICAL TOOLS:

✨ Schedule Check-Ins — Put it on your calendar: "Tuesday, 10 minutes, we talk about how we're feeling."

✨ Use the 20% Rule — "I'm at 20% today. Can you take the 80%?" Communication prevents resentment.

✨ Rest Before Labor — As the support person, prioritize sleep and rest beforehand so you show up with energy and a clear head.

✨ Take Help from Your Community — Don't be afraid to ask for meals, help with household tasks, or childcare so you can both be at full capacity.



KEYWORDS:

partner, partnership, birth support, postpartum, communication, miscarriage, grief, father, parenting, relationships, labor support, vulnerable, family dynamics, postpartum recovery



MORE ABOUT JONNY:

Jonny Long is a photographer and cinematographer with over 8,000 licensable assets on Getty Images and iStock. He's the founder of Flyview Productions and has been collaborating with Dr. Emily to reimagine how perinatal and postpartum care is visually represented. He's a husband, father of two, and believes in the power of intentional communication, vulnerability, and showing up for the people you love.



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