Crispy Neck Cracking + Crunchy Joints ~ Relax w/ Cracks ASMR Chiropractic Adjustments 47.

Location Mechanicsburg, PA.

~ Condenser Microphone Cracks & Crunches
~ Quiet Face Paper & Quiet Office = ASMR
~ Mindfully Placed Ads ~ Relax
~ Chiropractic Sleep Time Remedy

It's 6:30am and this morning's yoga smells like beach memories

Side note: I'll be wearing the thermostat cuff links today, thank you to whoever anonymously sent them to my office tytytyt

Family vaca was EPIC. We were 35 deep on the beach. The impressive construction of an umbrella city sheltered a pack of 15 wild, ravenous sun-dried children.

We were thankful to share the time and space

On the 4th we lit up the beach with a barrage of semi-professional fireworks. Yours truly earned his chops under the tutelage of our seasoned firework leader, Scott (my cousin's husband and overall outstanding human being.)

When I first met Scott he loaned me a Hunter S Thompson novel and a book about the Kabalah. Obviously... he's awesome.

It was dusk. We set up the payload... but we needed a shovel to help with sand management... so I took up a light jog across the dunes while hundreds of other amateur pyrotechnicians began their pre-show.

Chuckling to myself

"This is what independence day is all about... the people... all together... breaking the law"

Shovel obtained and heading back, a cloud of firework smog began to settle among the various crews. It sounded like artillery was firing. Eyes up, head down, steady pace across the sand, I prayed and thanked the militaries of the world for the good that has been done, the evil that was overcome, and the freedom bell that has rung

More gratitude

And a HUGE REQUEST to the spirits of firework safety to keep my hands intact

We lit, we ran, repeat. I felt overly accomplished as the firework guy

The night sky poured chromaticity to the background track of the ocean's crashing tide

As far as the eye could see and as deep as the ear could hear

Saturated

A voice mumbled... "smells like a bald eagle farting"

And immediately after the finale, an undercover officer greeted us with a reminder to clean up the 4foot pile of spent fire bangers.

...

Then my brother came

   / @billbindersstash  

Bill carries a leather bag filled with bubble-wrapped bottles. He set out out a bottle of juice that was valued at $1,500.00

He poured a healthy glass for 6 dads... then we got a 30-minute toast/ lecture about the history of bourbon, the still process, and the past, present, and future economic conditions of the industry

He really built the anticipation

Everyone drank

Everyone winced

"It's terrible" he raged

"you don't like it... throw it over the balcony into the sand"

he continued

"I'd rather you drink something you like at $40 a bottle"

I looked over at Scott who happily finished his glass despite the 30 seconds of discomfort caused by the noxious concoction

Scott tuned and said "well, you going to finish yours?"

Of course

It tasted like a rotted cinnamon stick that was consumed by some extinct carnivore, defecated, fossilized, dug up, and soaked in petroleum for 14 years

It wasn't that bad

...

Family is a blessing. It was the first time in a decade that all my first cousins were together

My mother and aunt both stayed with me. Right now is that awkward time of life where I have to be "the adult."

On the first night, I walked in to find them playing scrabble at the kitchen table. Next to the 50th-anniversary edition was the smoke alarm, now detached from the ceiling, bc "it kept beeping."

Recreational cannabis usage is legal in Jersey btw. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE NOT GOING TO BURN A HOLE IN THE WOODEN TABLE.

SMH... "Go outside on the balcony and do that," I said in utter disbelief of the words coming out of my mouth

"I'd like to move some cars, Aunt Susan where are your keys?"

"In my purse"

I grab 'em and went down

20 minutes later... I get back and Aunt Susan is in the kitchen having a full out panic attack

"WHERE ARE MY KEYS?"

The contents of her purse were on display

I watched for a minute in silent, side-splitting amusement

She looked for them... in-the-re-frige-er-ator

AND THAT... is why they call it dope

I put them back in her purse without telling her and walked away

...

But here's the thing

Time is a paradox...

The past is really in front of us. We see our parents, our teachers our guru's leading us by example, and from their experience

And the future is behind us, our children, our students, following our example

Family... they are the roots

And right now I am a branch holding leaves to the sun... ready to fruit

some delicious, mouthwatering, and satisfying, back cracking

I love you

Thanks For Watching Crispy Neck Cracking + Crunchy Joints ~ Relax w/ Cracks ASMR Chiropractic Adjustments 47.

47k (not kidding)