NPD Series |Ep 12| : Narcissistic Victim – Handling Limerence and Minefields.

Narcissistic Victim – Handling Limerence and Minefields.
This episode discusses limerence or limerence objects and minefields in Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Limerence is a state of mind in the narcissist where he/she feels a romantic attraction to another person (partner) with obsessive thoughts and fantasies. The narcissist tries to maintain a relationship with the partner as an object of love only to reciprocate their desire or feeling. The narcissistic victim will be treated as a limerence object to meet the emotional desires of a narcissist. The narcissist will use love bombing and over caring whenever necessary to make the victim get addicted to the narcissist to reciprocate. The victim becomes a limerent object (LO) who constantly supplies the needs of a narcissist. The difference between love and limerence is in love you don’t demand to reciprocate and in limerence the person wants the other person to reciprocate. The narcissist forms a deep connection to LO and never wants to disconnect from LO as the LO is the sole supplier of the narcissist's needs. If the victim is upset about their wrongdoings, they try to seek forgiveness (fabricated) and rationalize. Here the narcissist becomes soft, caring, loving, compromising, comforting and forgoing so that the victim who is an LO will reciprocate the same behaviour. By seeing the narcissist’s (intentional) care, love, sometimes situational or towards selected people such as kids or parents, the LO started to discount the narcissist’s painful attitude and behaviour towards them. The victim or LO will form an endless hope by highlighting the good side of the narcissist behaviour. There is a possibility that the victim also starts to form limerence with the narcissist by giving love, care and support more and more, hoping the narcissist to reciprocate sometime in the future. Since the victim is leading such an emotionally vulnerable situation with a narcissist, you can compare it to walking on a minefield. Anywhere you can expect an explosion. You must be careful when living with your narcissistic partner as not to stamp on any mines. You should give them validation sparingly and manage the relationship well. In case you have stamped on a mine as you have connected with their narcissistic need and you immediately disconnect, the mine will explode and you will get hurt. It is advisable to handle the situation assertively and change the focus from the current event to something else cautiously. In the olden times, you had your extended family to help you to handle when you stamp on a mine to avoid heavy emotional explosions.
When you are faced with issues such as antisocial behaviours you need a good support system. You need to be economically independent; you should know about personality disorders to understand the gravity of the situation you are in. You should know how, where and from whom you can seek help to either manage or escape the situation. Financial independence and having a good job is essential for every individual. When dealing with a narcissist, you should be independent, confident having strong moral and ethical values. Assertiveness is the best skill you need to acquire to deal with any narcissist. When you know that you have a narcissist in your life, you should manage yourself not to become a limerent object to the narcissist. You can try your best to manage the situation by giving narcissistic supply sparingly. But if the suffering is too much, you should think twice about living in that relationship because every person has the right to live happily. It is your life and it is your call; you should decide how to live your life.
If you are suffering from narcissistic victim syndrome, you should seek professional help. You should ensure that you seek help from authentic and licensed professionals.
I would say you should live well and be independent, confident and self-reliant to build your life the way you want.

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