Why Children Dissociate From Abuse: Trauma Bonding Explained

In today’s video, Dr. Christine Cocchiola continues the conversation on trauma bonding in children by focusing on dissociation and cognitive dissonance — two powerful survival responses that help children cope with being forced into unsafe relationships.

Children living under coercive control are often required by systems to continue contact with an abusive parent. Faced with the unbearable reality that a caregiver is harmful — while still needing to survive visits — the brain adapts. Dissociation becomes a way to reduce pain, and over time, permissive and neglectful parenting can reinforce this process.

Dr. Christine explains how:

Dissociation helps children survive overwhelming pain

Cognitive dissonance makes harm feel “normal”

Permissiveness and neglect deepen trauma bonds

Gaslighting can turn inward, leading children to doubt their own reality

Trauma bonds are neurologically reinforced over time

She also speaks to the grief and loss protective parents carry — the grief of recognizing how deeply children have been harmed and how profoundly unfair this reality is. As Dr. Christine notes, grief doesn’t disappear; we grow around it.

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