Why Men Stay Stuck in the Blame Loop

Why do so many men feel stuck—even when they’re working hard, trying to lead, and doing the “right” things? In this episode of Gaining Ground, Landon and Drew Sherman expose one of the most subtle and destructive patterns men fall into: the blame loop. Blame feels natural. It feels justified. But over time, it quietly drains a man of his power, his clarity, and his ability to grow.

Through honest stories from marriage, leadership, parenting, and ministry, this conversation shows how blame shows up in everyday life. From pointing fingers at spouses, coworkers, bosses, or circumstances, to excusing our own inaction, blame becomes a way of avoiding responsibility. And while it may protect our ego in the moment, it ultimately keeps us stuck—relationally, spiritually, and emotionally.

Landon and Drew trace the blame loop all the way back to the Garden of Eden, showing how passing responsibility is woven into human nature. But they also make it clear that blame is not neutral. It damages relationships, erodes trust, and keeps men tethered to their past. When men refuse to take ownership, they unknowingly carry unresolved issues into future marriages, jobs, friendships, and even generations.

One of the central ideas of this episode is learning to “own your 1%.” Even when a situation feels 99% someone else’s fault, growth begins when a man takes responsibility for the part he can control. That shift—owning what’s yours—restores agency. It puts your hands back on the steering wheel of your life. Blame forfeits growth, but responsibility unlocks it.

The conversation also introduces a powerful framework for leadership and masculinity: being a thermostat, not a thermometer. Thermometers react to the environment. Thermostats set the temperature. Men who live in blame simply mirror what’s happening around them. Men who take responsibility change the climate—at home, at work, and in their community—by staying grounded, stable, and intentional.

This episode includes real-world examples from marriage, the workplace, church leadership, and prison ministry, showing how responsibility can break cycles that have existed for decades. It makes a compelling case that the strongest men are not the loudest or most aggressive—but the ones humble enough to say, “This part is on me,” and courageous enough to change.
If you want to reclaim your power, grow as a man of God, and stop repeating the same patterns, this episode offers a clear path forward. Growth doesn’t start when others change. It starts when you do.

Take responsibility. Break the blame loop. Gain ground.

IN THIS EPISODE:
00:00 – Why blame keeps men stuck
01:00 – The blame loop and taking responsibility
02:45 – How men deflect responsibility in everyday life
04:00 – The cost of avoiding ownership (real consequences)
07:30 – Why blaming others feels natural
09:45 – Adam and Eve: blame from the beginning
11:10 – Why successful men take responsibility
12:40 – How blame damages marriages and families
14:00 – Leadership, humility, and saying “I’m sorry”
18:15 – Owning your 1% (even when it feels unfair)
22:00 – “Blame is the basket that carries your past forward”
24:30 – Breaking generational cycles of blame
29:30 – Thermostat vs thermometer leadership
36:40 – One step to escape the blame loop today

🚀 START HERE!
Learn more about the Gaining Ground men’s movement and how you can get involved at https://gaininggroundmen.com.

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MUSIC CREDITS:
Obsidion (with Boda) - Judah Earl
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Witch (Instrumental) - Lovedrug
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