not good at all

i think a lot of people have imposter syndrome when it comes to themselves being a good person. that they're only being good to convince others they're actually good when in reality they're not. in many ways, i believe that about myself. however, i'm also aware that good and bad people don't exist. we're all simply people who make choices, hard ones, sometimes bad ones, sometimes not. yet still there's a pit in my stomach, one that's too hard to ignore. but the only thing i can do, and what we as people can do, is just try. i think 'not good at all' is expressing that insecurity of mine, that i don't believe it'll ever be good enough because it's within me. what i do know is that we can't use the terrible things that happened in our past to justify doing terrible things to people, we cannot use them as collateral to our own self-destruction. anyways, that's my ramble.

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lyrics:

i have walked the rivers
and the roads so long before
my feet have remained bare
and my clothes are always torn
but i’m trying
oh i’m trying

my hands barely work
they are littered with scars
i sometimes think i'll find a piece
of me within the marks
i’m trying
oh i’m trying

maybe i’m
not good at all
maybe the darkness i hide from
is who i am to the core
is that why you put me here
with shame etched in my bones
maybe i’m
not good at all

i have felt defeated
one or twice too many times
they say it makes you stronger
i still think that they all lied
but im trying
oh i’m trying

we talk about purpose
and im certain what is mine
living for other people
giving love till im left dry
'till im dying
oh i’m dying

maybe i’m
not good at all
maybe the darkness i hide from
is who i am to the core
is that why you put me here
with shame etched in my bones
maybe i’m
maybe i’m
not good at all