How To Get Over Fear Of Abandonment Through "Bottom Up" Healing

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If you struggle with a fear of abandonment issues, chances are your nervous system is always on high alert—constantly scanning for signs that someone might leave, disconnect, or withdraw. This abandonment anxiety doesn’t just show up in breakups or obvious rejection; it sneaks into your everyday relationships. You might find yourself being overly self-sufficient, staying emotionally distant, or choosing partners who are unavailable—because keeping people at arm’s length feels safer than risking the pain of true intimacy. But this isn’t just a personality trait or anxious habit. Abandonment trauma lives in your body. Whether you experienced outright neglect or subtle emotional absence growing up, your nervous system adapted to protect you from future hurt. Over time, this protective wiring shaped how you attach, relate, and respond to love itself.

You can’t simply talk or journal your way out of fear of abandonment—because the fear doesn’t live in your thoughts alone. It lives in your body’s physiology. If you’re asking, do you have fear of abandonment issues?—consider how quickly you feel panic when someone pulls away, or how easily you shut down when someone gets too close. These aren’t random reactions; they’re embodied survival strategies. How to heal fear of abandonment issues in the body starts with shifting your attention inward—not to overanalyze—but to notice what your body is doing when abandonment fear hits. Is your chest tight? Is your breath shallow? Are you bracing for loss? These cues are gold. They reveal exactly where your system is still operating from the past. And the good news is: that wiring can be changed.

To heal fear of abandonment issues, you must learn to create safety within yourself. This starts with bottom-up healing: body-based practices that calm your nervous system from the inside out. When you feel that wave of abandonment rising, you can use somatic tools—like grounding through your feet, lengthening your exhale, or gently placing a hand on your heart—to signal to your body that you are safe right now. This begins the process of reparenting: becoming the steady presence your younger self never had. And over time, this builds true self-trust—the kind that doesn’t depend on someone else staying. If you want to know how to heal fear of abandonment issues in the body, it’s this: learn to stay with yourself. Not in theory, but in sensation. This is how you finally break the cycle and become someone who is no longer ruled by the fear of being left—but anchored in the safety of your own presence.

In my years as a self love coach, I’ve guided my clients from every possible heartbreaking scenario and breakup, and given them the tools they need to heal their trauma and learn the discipline of self love, so they can embody their most true, authentic and confident self!

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