Branded Series 2 Episode 27

we present arthur lowe john le measure and clive army [Applause] branded featuring john larry arnold ridley and ian lavender with this week's guests bill pertwee and nan bronte here is the news and this is john snag reading it the war in europe continues and the tram of the nazi

Jack boat strikes terror into the hearts of the people in the occupied countries but here in great britain those fearless men of the home guard make it their constant resolve that never shall our streets echo to that dreaded goose step it is obvious at the church hall in warmington on sea captain mannering is busy reading a letter while sergeant wilson takes the evening's parade all right attention now tonight

We're going to do some stalking stalking yes talking that's what we're going to do some stalking other words how to creep up behind an enemy sentry in the dark stalking well it may interest you all to know that i am an expat stalker really huh at one time i was considered one of the finest talkers in the country i bet you were quite a chatterbox in the town i saw that in last week's bino sorry

Well fraser as you seem to know something about this you could sort of uh you know what i mean sort of put us in the picture i'll do that no you must always remember to approach your quarry from behind and all the time you keep downwind of him why'd you do that mr fraser so that it doesn't he get your scent but what if you're not wearing any scent i'm talking about human scent son oh see

No when you're creeping up behind a sentry you have to pick your feet up and put them down very carefully it's most important that you watch where you're putting your feet like when you're crossing a field of cows [Music] i can't tell you again now we'd better have someone to creep up upon i'd like to volunteer for that sergeant wilson i'd like to be the

Someone you creep up upon no no jose you're always volunteering we'd better have someone else to take the enemy's centrist part i'd like to do it sergeant i'd like to do it i'd like to take the enemy century's path yes on wc we must give some of the others a chance uh now wait a minute uh godfrey uh yes sergeant well you could be the enemy sentry uh see you'll need something to sit on i'd like to volunteer to be there

Something to sit on top please wilson come here a minute would you all right so i'm coming you wanted me sir yes close the door man likely to read this but it's addressed to you i know i know that read it honey

It's from godfrey why did he write you a letter you'll soon find out so captain george mannering also commanding the first platoon warmington on sea home guard dear sir it is with much regret that i must tender to you my resignation only personal reasons i feel that i can no longer remain as a member of the platoon therefore i

Must ask you to accept my two weeks notices that's from the end of the week i remained yesterday charles godfrey hmm well well it's a bit of he's going sir i mean we shall we shall miss him what do you mean it's a pity's going you can't leave just like that well i don't think i can stop it i mean he's given you two weeks notice this is war wilson

Not the army and navy stall better go and get him find out what all this is about that's let's it a look at this rotor monday we're one section on patrol guesswork river bridge to the fair exchange at 2250 godfrey puts on kettle 2258 godfrey makes tea ready for return of patrol 2300 hours tuesday number three section patrol over to rock and pouring

Leaves here 2330 arrives novelty rock and boarding 2350 makes tea ready for arrival patrol 2400 oh no no i couldn't possibly let him go as far to available come in i've got private garbage then you wanted to see me sir yes godfrey sit down thank you you too will oh thanks awful

Now thank god for him what's the idea of this letter but it means that i i've got to leave sir you mean that you feel that you're getting a little too old for active service is that it well no not really sir and what's the matter well i got up the other morning slightly earlier than usual mind you i usually get up around about 7 30. you see i always make the early morning tea and then i take a cup up to my sister

And to quite recently we've always had a special brand of teeth in the army maybe stores but of course it's it's on such a short ration there that to put up with anything we can get it's like i agree with you man some of the stuff we've been getting daily is terrible all those nasty little bits of tea dust floating on wilson but godfrey i don't quite see what this has got to do with leaving the platoon oh and

Coming to that sir let me see now where was i we're just going to make the early morning tea oh yes when i went into the ladder to get the milk and then i saw something that made me realize that i just couldn't carry on what on earth was that a mouse mouse yes you see in the la there was a great big empty pudding basin a mouse had fallen inside it was running