The Challenges of the Lifestyle: Transparency, Jealousy, and Growth. Episode 14

#LifeLessonLifestyle #CoupleChallenges #LifestyleTransparency #SwingerLife #RelationshipGoals
Welcome to Life Lesson Lifestyle with Lee and CC! In this episode, we're diving into a crucial topic that came from talking with our community: the difficulties of being a couple in the lifestyle. While there are challenges, we also see a lot of benefits, making it a "pros and cons thing".
We're all about being transparent and giving real-life examples of what we've been through, because we know our experiences aren't unique. We've been in this for five years, and we're looking to share what those first few years looked like.
The top two difficulties couples face, in my opinion, are transparency and jealousy.
Transparency starts with your own partnership. As a woman, I've found it's easy to hold back out of fear, or to avoid sparking a trigger in my partner, which means I'm not 100% transparent. For men, it seems to be about getting caught up in the excitement and forgetting about their partner for a moment. Being transparent means you're acting in your partner's best interest, not just your own innate being, and that takes work and consideration. It's about setting boundaries, which sometimes only happens after an incident occurs.
Jealousy is a huge factor and, for some, a fear of loss. If you're not transparent, you're only elevating the level of jealousy in your partner because trust is essential. This is especially true because things can happen so quickly when you're out.
Another difficulty is dealing with seeking other couples. It's challenging because both people in your own couple need to be on the same page, and then you have to find another couple who is on the same page, and then all four of you have to find common ground. We've found that sometimes it helps to take the "Ls" (the sex) out of the equation and focus on getting to know people on a human level first—networking and breaking the ice before moving into deeper conversations about dynamics and experiences.
We also noticed that attraction often starts with a superficial "look"—a fantasy—but true connection comes when you embrace that people come in "all shapes, sizes and colors". This shift from a surface-level desire for a particular look (like a certain body type or height) to appreciating the sapiosexual aspect—the conversation, confidence, and open-mindedness—is a mark of maturity in the lifestyle.
Finally, a major challenge is a one-sided connection, where one partner vibes with another person who their partner is indifferent to. It comes down to respecting boundaries and protocols, and that you won't always be able to line up perfectly.
My final takeaway is that the lifestyle is full of difficulties, but you have to go through the process, communicate, love your partner, and have patience and understanding. Most importantly, give each other a safe space to express yourselves.