Laplus visits the happiest place on Earth: Lui's House

hololive's Laplus Darknesss and Lui Takane eat food.

Original stream:    • 【 オフコラボ 】#ラプルイ がハンバーグ食べる…ただそれだけのコラボです。【ラプラ...  

‪@LaplusDarknesss‬ ‪@TakaneLui‬





On the eve before the grand opening of holoX’s dollar-store envisioning of ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’, the Board of Public Safety had dispatched an investigator to ensure the roller coasters had seat belts, the bumper cars did not exceed speed limits, and the ‘You must be this tall to get on this ride’ signs were in their proper positions.

This investigator went by Officer Oozora, emphasis on the ‘Officer’ part. Being a servant of Public Safety, she carried no weapon other than her voice, which could stun a grown man at fifteen yards better than any taser. She pulled up to the amusement park in a Subaru hatchback, government issued and proof that someone among the administration had a sense of humor. She got out of the car and slipped on her reflective Aviators. Before heading for the entrance, she adjusted her polished gold badge so that it would catch the sunlight from almost any angle and would be immediately noticeable. If there’s one thing experience taught her, it’s that establishing authority was the most important part of the job.

With all the majesty of a trumpeter swan waddling down the fairway for a dip in the water hazard on a par four, Officer Oozora sauntered up to the marquis where two obsequious employees awaited her with false smiles and a hunted look in their eyes. Above their heads, in crude paint plastered on a hijacked billboard, where letters whose meaning no team of linguists could possibly discern. It was as if they were written by someone with flippers for hands. An orca, perhaps. At any rate, Officer Oozora was immediately given the impression that this was going to be one of THOSE jobs.
“Who’s in charge here?” she asked, looking from one employee to the other.

The leftmost, tall and hawkish, looked down at her compatriot, who was short and purple and was looking back up at her somewhat like a child who had just been told they had run out of Happy Meals. The tall one sighed and said, “I guess I am.”

The Officer huffed. “Is this your daughter?”

“No,” said the hawk. “It’s my boss.”

The Officer frowned. “Then she should be the one in charge, no?”

“In an ideal world, yes,” agreed the hawk.

“Then why isn’t she?”

The hawk looked down at the subject in question then back at the officer and it was plain from her expression that she did not consider this world ideal.

“Lui,” said the small one, speaking for the first time. “I dropped my Avenger’s playing cards. All fifty-two of them.”

Lui felt something brush against her shin and looked down to behold the ground littered with portraits of superheroes and supervillains. Through her teeth, she said, “Then pick them up.”

“I can’t,” whined the short one.

“Why not?”

“I want you to do it.” The demon child gasped. “Oh no! Thanos is getting snapped by the breeze! Hurry, before they all get blown away!”

“I’m not picking up your cards, Lap.”

“Then who will!?” caterwauled the one referred to as ‘Lap’. Tears bobbled on her lower eyelids. “If only superheroes really existed,” she sniffled. “Then maybe, hic, maybe life wouldn’t, hic, be so bad.”

One thing that could be said about Officer Oozora was that she didn’t join the Force for their sense of fashion. A glance at this poor, sobbing, obviously troubled child was all it took to play the heartstrings of Officer Oozora like a fiddle. After shooting the hawkish woman a look of reproach, she got down on one knee and began picking up the playing cards. In a surprisingly soft tone of voice, she said, “So, you like superheroes?”

“Guh-huh,” blubbered the demon child.

“Who’s your favourite?”

“Jared Leto.”

“Hm. Never heard of that one. What’s their superpower?”

“He morbs.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah.”

“How old are you?”

“Thirty-two.”

Officer Oozora had a few follow up questions after this revelation but was not given the chance to voice them. Instead, a bottle of saline solution labelled ‘Fake Tears’ slipped out of the demon child’s sleeve and landed in plain view of the Officer. The last thing she heard before waking up in her Subaru hatchback miles out of town was “Quick, Lui! Hit her with the steel chair! Just like we planned!”

https://ko-fi.com/leifmaplesson