How Eric got his life back from insomnia by focusing on what he can control (#53)

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Eric's insomnia journey began after he woke in the middle of the night and experienced a huge panic attack. From then on, sleep became very difficult.

As he tried to fix things, Eric stopped watching TV in bed with his wife — something they both enjoyed. He tried napping, even though he never used to nap in the past. He tried sleeping on the couch. He tried sleeping in a chair. He tried blue-light-blocking glasses. He stopped traveling. He isolated himself as he became convinced that his struggles were reflected in his appearance. He would beat himself up every time he had a difficult night.

Eric's transformation began when he shifted his focus away from trying to control his sleep, his thoughts, and his feelings and redirected his efforts toward his actions.

He started to do more of the things that mattered — even after difficult nights and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings. He started to accept the presence of anxiety as a necessary ingredient for a rich and meaningful life. Eric found that the more he did this, the less power and influence sleep and anxiety seemed to have over his life.

Eric was never into meditating but he started to practice meditation — not in an attempt to make sleep happen or to control his thoughts and feelings — but to practice and develop skill in making space for his thoughts rather than trying to fight or avoid them. He also gave himself permission to do something else during the night when he was awake, rather than tossing and turning.

Today, sleep doesn't consume Eric's attention. His focus now is on controlling his actions and doing things that matter rather than trying to control his sleep and what he might be thinking or feeling. As a result, insomnia no longer holds Eric back. By practicing a new approach, Eric got his life back from insomnia.

Chapters:

00:00:00 Introduction
00:04:48 Struggles with Panic and Anxiety
00:07:16 Early Sleep Disruptions and Efforts
00:10:20 How Insomnia Affected Daily Life
00:13:19 Obsession with Appearance and Fatigue
00:15:02 Battling Thoughts and Anxiety
00:18:03 Relationship with the Bed
00:19:53 Shifting Focus to What Matters
00:22:15 Attending Daughter’s Wedding Despite Fears
00:25:05 Thoughts vs. Experience
00:28:42 Initiate to Generate: Facing Anxiety
00:31:31 Living Fully Despite Anxiety
00:34:07 Thoughts Before Presentations
00:36:36 You Can Still Take Action
00:38:37 Challenging the Alternative
00:41:06 Letting Go of Medication
00:44:53 Difficult but Liberating Withdrawal
00:47:23 Managing Wakefulness at Night
00:50:24 Allowing Thoughts Without Struggle
00:52:15 Timeline for Recovery
00:54:08 Letting Go of Control
00:56:09 Bedtime and Wakefulness Changes
00:58:38 Letting Go of Sleep Rules
01:00:08 Redefining What a Rough Night Is
01:01:38 Final Advice to Listeners

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My name is Martin Reed and I am the founder of Insomnia Coach®. I offer sleep coaching services that give people with insomnia all the skills and support they need to enjoy better sleep for the rest of their lives. I also offer a free two-week sleep training course for people with insomnia at https://insomniacoach.com/sleep-train...

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